Fire Emblem: Waking Up In Fields
by hidingoyster
Summary: Two friends wake up in a field. Stumbling upon a third friend, these three start a grand adventure with a story everyone knows.
1. Multiplicative Identity

Darkness was all that could be seen. The young man standing in it just stood there, thinking. He wasn't quite sure if this was real, or if he was just dreaming. Suddenly a light burst through the void, consuming all, even the young man.

Matt woke with a terrible headache. It had been years since he last had one that bad. As he laid where he woke, he reminisced on those few bad occasions, all of them because of school. A sudden realization appeared, it might be a school day. He quickly dismissed the thought, this sort of pain was not something to go to school on. A nagging feeling inside of him told him to get up anyway and go shower.

As Matt brought himself up, he heard a moan. Glancing around, he saw the source. He recognized the man sleeping, but couldn't quite remember who it was. Searching his brain, he tried to remember that hair. He was always able to know people through their hair. It was one of two things he actually bothered paying attention to when observing others. Suddenly it hit him, that was Harris. Harris was an avatar created by one of his friends, so he quickly dismissed the idea. Still, Matt could not shake the feeling that that was Harris. Matt decided that he should wake him and find out.

"Harris, wake up. A wise man once said 'There are better places to take a nap than on the ground, you know.'" Matt saw he was waking up, and prayed that he was better in the morning than his friend.

"*groan* Oh gods, what hit me? And why do I smell grass?"

"Oh good, you're awake. And you don't seem to be wanting to punch me right now. That's a plus. Now get up, we have work to do"

"Wha- oh. Hi stranger. Why would I want to hit you? Wait, did you draw on my face while I was out or something? Cause if you did, I may have to take drastic measures."

"Hey now, let's not get hasty with the fists. Besides, you wouldn't punch a kid with glasses, would you?" Matt reached up and tried to push up the glasses he thought were there. He instead found his finger in one of his eyes. After reflecting on what he said, he winced at pulling the 'kid with glasses' thing.

"Pfft. Nice job. Did you really just pull the whole "kid with glasses" thing? You realise you don't actually _have_ glasses right?"

Returning to a more casual stance, Matt said, "Well, uh.. you see.. I used to have them back sometime ago?" His mind quickly congratulated his _real_ convincing tone.

"Real convincing, that is."

"STOP REPEATING MY BLOODY THOUGHTS, GODS DAMN." Matt stood wide-eyed as he realized he said that out-loud.

"Whoa there buddy, no need for the excess noise. _Some people_, not mentioning any names, have somewhat sensitive hearing first thing in the morning. Might disturb someone."

"... You know I would just _love_ to make a pun out of what you've said, but your speech seems to form around _preventing me_. Why would you kill my puns?"

"I've got a friend who constantly makes _supremely_ shit puns. I've evolved my methods of speech to cut those off before they begin."

Matt nods, mentally noting that avatars do indeed catch the personality of their creators. "Oh come on, he can't be _that_ bad." Matt replied knowing full well that those puns were his, and that they _were pure gold_. He continued, "Maybe you just need to accept that they will happen. Come on, how bad could any one pun be?"

Harris rolls his eyes, "The dastard once made one about Lemons in fanfictions, saying that they're called such because, 'they're so juicy'."

"_That's the one you remember from me?!_ Your memory really isn't good, huh?"

"...from you? Wha- Matt? Holy shit. You look like Quintin. That's why I felt you were familiar."

"I look like Quintin you say? Well, I guess that would be why you took so long to recognise me. Anyway, we should probably get to some town somewhere, eh?"

"I don't know about that. Most people in this universe are what one would call _physically fit_, and I'd look pretty out of place, what with my flabby self."

"Great news buddy, you got in the same set-up as me. Welcome to the world Harris."

Harris' eyes became roughly the size of a horse's hoof. "Ho-ly shit. So _that's _why my back wasn't hurting anymore. Wait, does this mean that I'm my _current_ Harris? With limit breaker and all that, and the Wyvern?"

"Welp, I'm going to say the shoulder guard you have, along with the swords strapped to your belt, I'd say you are mercenary. Looks to be iron too, from what I can see. I'd imagine we can't be _too_ OP to start, now can we?" Matt Quintin noted, quickly realizing the fourth wall was now gone.

"Well balls. I was really hoping we didn't have to go through _that_ particular early game grind again. _Oh gods what difficulty are we on?_"

"Well, since both Quintin and Harris were on hard, we can just hope for that?"

"Gods, I certainly hope so. I've yet to make it past effing _southtown_ on lunatic, and Lunatic+? We might as well save the capped stat risen the trouble and kill ourselves now."

"Speaking of Southtown, we should probably get going. I don't know about you, but I don't have camping supplies. Please tell me you have some sort of gold pouch on you?"

"Eh, let me check."

After some time waiting, Quintin asked, "Well? Anything? Please tell me there's something."

"Uh, let's see… Nope, no, that's most certainly _not_ gold, Oooooh, second seal. Um, oh! Here we go. Three gold."

"Harris, we aren't even in this world for, however long we've been here, and _already_ you are hoarding all that junk. I'm impressed, now let's move out. We should also pray three gold will get us in."

"_Hey. _It's not junk. It all has sentimental value. Like this rock, It's the first thing that I felt in this world, digging into my back. And this blade of grass, it's… uh… it's… particularly green?"

"... Let's just go. I feel I'll lose the need to slap you if we do that."

"Alright, alright, sheesh. No need for the violence."

* * *

The weather was pleasant to walk in. There was a slight breeze, and the sun was out. No clouds were visible, leaving little worry to rain. Harris was focused on something in his pouch, and Quintin left him to it. He was hoping to focus on looking for towns in the distance. Quintin heard a thud. Turning around to investigate, Quintin saw Harris on the ground.

"Gods _damn it, I just got here and ALREADY I'M TRIPPING ON SHIT?! _I'd have thought the new body would have fixed that particular pro-Oh my gods it's squishy. Why is the thing I tripped on squishy? Quintin, _Quintin what the hell did I trip on?!_"

"Well, judging from how awfully human this woman is, I'm going to say you tripped on a girl. That probably won't go over well if she wakes up."

The woman Harris tripped on started moving. She seemed troubled that she was just woken up by someone tripping on her. Quintin found her very familiar, similar to the feeling he had when he found Harris. Sitting up, Quintin found her state quite adorable, actually.

"Well I know guys just naturally fall for me, but this is a whole new level."

Quintin suppressed his laughter as Harris groaned.

"Oh gods, _not another one. _I get enough puns already thank-you-very-much."

Unphased by him, the woman just smiles and bows.

"Why thank you my good man, I do quite think myself a pun-master. Name's Rebecca, by the way."

Quintin suddenly remembers. Rebecca, his first female avatar I made. Long, orange hair, slight build, and a gentle looking face. Me then realized that he just called a female version of himself adorable. Yay narcissism?

"Well hello Rebecca." Quintin searched for the words to say to… himself? "Uh.. care to join us on our grand quest?"

Harris facepalms off to the side, "Real smooth _casanova_, You've known her for all of what, four minutes and you're already asking her to join us. And what makes you think the girl- I mean, Rebecca, sorry, doesn't have something she needs to do?"

"Uh.. well, I don't really have-"

"shhh, I'm trying to berate him."

"Rebecca, will you just excuse us for one moment." Quintin pulls Harris away and half-whispers to him, "Harris, you do know that she is basically a female me, right? _Casanova, really?!_ Are you trying to say that I would flirt with myself?"

"Yes. To both."

"Well, I'll tell you this now, please, _please_ just don't romance her in anyway. That would get too strange too fast."

"Well, we _did _talk about what would happen in our old universe if suddenly your body would be replaced by hers. But I _guess _I can reign in my libido just this once."

"Fantastic, I think. That didn't sound too convincing, but eh." turning back to Rebecca, "Alright Rebecca, shall we hit the road?"

"Ok, just let me grab my stuff."

Rebecca went to pack her things away. Her many, many things. Quintin was actually impressed with the sheer amount of stuff she had. Her collection may even rival Harris'.

"Gods, I think _Lydia_ put up more resistance to joining. Oh well, onward to… wherever we were going!"

Thus, the three adventures left to find some cheap place they could find to stay a night, or even a town for that matter. Not long in the journey, a town was spotted by Quintin. The three rush into town to find a place. Turning to Rebecca, Quintin asks "So, is it safe to assume every town has some form of an inn around here?"

"I… have not the faintest clue. I don't even know where we are at." Rebecca replies after some hesitation

"Well, due to the geography and climate, combined with how the people look, I'd assume we're in Ylisse, as Plegia is more desert-ish, and I've not the slightest clue what Valm looks like, but I'm sure it's less hilly" Harris adds.

"Hey guys! I found an inn, not a terrible name either. Goes by the name of 'Dragon's Roost' and from what I could tell, it was fairly cheap." Quintin runs off in the direction of an older building.

"Heh, 'Dragon's Roost'. I wonder if there'll be any Manaketes?"

The Dragon's Roost was a fairly standard inn, if maybe a little old. There was the innkeeper, manning something that looked similar to a bar, people sitting around at tables, and a few hallways leading into various rooms. As the three walked up, the man at the counter perks up and greets them with a friendly, "What can I fix you with?" Harris snorts, causing a confused look from Rebecca.

Holding back his own chuckle, Quintin replies with, "Well… uh.. we'd like to know the price of two rooms please."

At this the keep nods, "That'll be fifty gold, sir."

"Holy _shit._" yells the peanut gallery (just Harris).

"Uh, I meant for one night, sorry if I made myself unclear." Quintin replies after recovering.

"Oh I understood good sirs, it's just that we have to be sure only the highest quality of guests stay at our inn." The innkeeper replies, almost as if it was scripted.

At this point, Rebecca walks up. "We'll take it."

Harris and Quintin both jump back, suddenly noticing the rather fat gold purse Rebecca whips out. Turning to the two, Rebecca states, "Oh and by the way, you two are _fully_ paying me back for this."

"Oh of course, thank you Rebecca." Quintin produces an exaggerated bow, then watches as the keeper leads Rebecca to the rooms. He turns to Harris once he was sure Rebecca was out of earshot. "So, you didn't happen to notice what class she was, did you?"

"Not really, I didn't see any defining traits, but I'm going to assume, based on the way she acts, that she'd end up a trickster. I'll go with thief for now, until we get any more evidence."

"Well, that certainly explains that fat sack of gold she was carrying. How about we head in for the night, and we'll make some form of a plan tomorrow, eh?"

"Sounds like a plan. Let's hope we don't get robbed in our sleep, eh?"

"_HEY I HEARD THAT!"_ The two jump at the sound of Rebecca's voice.

"Think she heard the whole thing Harris?"

"Most likely Quintin."

"Beautiful."

With that, all three go to their beds, and pass out.

**Harris: If you want a more accurate representation of what the three of us look like, go to my account,(Quintin: the link to his profile is on my profile. He refused to give me the actual link to the characters ) for a link to an imgur gallery containing pictures of us, taken with my super shit res phone camera. **


	2. Setting the Divine Sails

**A/N: Spoilers for the main game. You have been warned.**

Quintin woke up to a fairly well lit area. It wasn't exactly a room, more an everlasting space. The area was white with a light-green tint. Quintin looked around the space and found a person sitting in a chair. Walking up to the chair, Quintin focused on the person in the chair. His eyes suddenly grew three sizes and jumped back. "Oh sweet Naga!" It was literally Naga. She was just sitting there watching him as he freaked out. Finally Naga called out, "Be calm Quintin, it's not like as if this is your first time seeing me."

Quintin stopped at this and turned to her. He calmed his nerves down and asked, "Why are you here talking to me?"

"Oh, I simply wish to talk to you about your stay in this world." Naga calmly replied.

"Ok? So what are we talking about exactly then?" Quintin was getting more nervous, fearing for any bad news.

"Well, I'd like to tell you that there is really nothing huge affected by you three being here. You'll see some more new faces, but that's about it. The story will progress normally without any dumb 'balancing' in effect. Just have fun, and try not to get yourself killed in the process. Well, that's about it. Tell you friend Harris this for me, I'm sure he'll wish to know. Don't worry about Rebecca, she's not in the exact same position as you two." With that Naga, and the entire space, started to fade from Quintin's view.

"Hey wait, hold on! What do you mean Rebecca's different?!" As he said this, his own voice started to fade.

* * *

Quintin woke up from his odd dream. The night had been uneventful after the three went to sleep. Quintin looked to his companion, who was still passed out in a most peculiar position. He looked back to his own pack, realizing he never quite went through it. He decided now would be a great time; he really had nothing better to do while waiting for his passed out companion. The bag held nothing of interest really. Quintin was slightly disappointed, expecting _some_ form of a weapon. Searching further, Quintin noticed the shaft that _somehow_ escaped his vision before. Excited, he grabbed what he thought was a spear. This struck him as slightly odd though, there was only one non-armored class with spear, soldiers. This class wasn't available to any playable characters though, so he wasn't really sure how he would play out.

Quintin quickly resolved to do some spear training while waiting for his companion. He pulled out the spear to be greeted with, a blue orb? That wasn't right, those orbs were on… heal staves. Suddenly, it clicked. He was a healer. Oh how Harris would have a field day with this. He quickly put his things away and pulled out a book he found. The book was a basic guide into the healing arts. Well, this was certainly a book Harris shouldn't know about.

Quintin had been reading the book, waving his staff around along with diagrams for some time before Harris started to stir. Quickly Quintin shoved the book and staff into his pack, ensuring they were out of sight. Quintin turned back to Harris, who was now sitting up, and said, "Morning Harris. Get up. I have a message from the not-technically-god of this realm."

"What does Grima want with us?"

"Wrong technical-not-god. It's Naga."

"Huh. What'd we do to get her attention?"

"And that's where the message comes in; she put us here. Apparently it was just for the amusement of those involved. No stupid balance thing where 'we have a shitty dark side' or anything. Except for Rebecca, Naga said something was different I think. Basically, don't tell her about what we _actually _are."

"Hah. Suck it Xane. 'The amusement of those involved' huh? That sounds ominous, but at least she was being forward with us about our being the god's playthings and all that."

"Yeah, at least we aren't in some stupid fanfic or something."

Both Quintin and Harris sit there, processing what Quintin had just said, wondering the truth behind it. Their thoughts were interrupted, however, once Rebecca knocked on the door, adding in, "You two moving yet?"

"Go away! No girls allowed!"

A sigh was heard across the door. "Harris, if you don't let me in, you will have to pay for the door damages I will cause."

"I'm a trained merc woman, I can outrun an innkeeper!"

"Coming from the guy that tripped on an unmoving, sleeping woman?" Quintin chimed in.

"Hey. Her pack is _huge_. Anyone could have done it."

"You didn't trip on her pack, you tripped on _her_."

"NO PROOF!"

Rebecca rejoined the two after walking through the door, "The bruise on my side says there's proof." The two looked to Rebecca in confusion. Seeming to know their question, Rebecca nooded and said, "I learned that locks are pretty easy to handle, alright?"

"Called it. Hey, healer boy, mind busting out that staff you think you hid and destroying some evidence for me?"

"Well, you handled that better than I expected. Besides, I don't know if heal staves do bruises. I sorta have no idea what I'm doing and all."

"Oh no. You're going to get ridicule from me for the rest of your _support class_ life. Bruises are wounds, so I don't see why they wouldn't work. It can't be that hard, just point the shiny bit at the injury and magick it away"

Sighing, Quintin pulled the staff back out and grumbled, "One day, I'm going to save your ass. It will probably mean completely nothing, but I'll have the satisfaction of your life in my hands." Quintin pulled out the staff, aimed directly towards Rebecca, and felt the magic flow into the staff. A green light enveloped her, then she suddenly disappeared. "Harris, I think I messed up."

"Oh my gods you've killed h-FUCKING OW!"

Harris was interrupted by a giggling Rebecca as she fell directly on top of him.

"Giggity"

"What was that?" Rebecca never received an answer, though, as Quintin promptly walked up and punched Harris in the face.

"Harris, far too early to deal with what you just said."

"Worth….it…. guh..."

* * *

About three hours later, the party of three managed to all gather in the lobby, discussing what to do next. Quintin was looking through a map he had borrowed from a random person. Oddly enough, they didn't all look like villagers. There wasn't one person with a pot on their head, how disappointing. A few miles away, in an uninteresting village, a young man wielding a bronze spear sneezes. Rebecca was looking through her bag, trying to take some inventory. Harris was causing a sort of a panic, stealing random people's shoes. Once he returned to the other two, Rebecca turned to him with a serious expression. "So Harris, do you have some sort of foot fetish? That's kinda odd to show out in public and all."

"Why, you into that kind of stuff? It's a bit odd, but I can deal."

Rebecca stared dumbfounded at Harris, not entirely sure how to handle him. Quintin looked up from his map long enough to say, "Harris, stop pulling a Virion with trying to swoon the first girl you met."

"Bitch I do what I want."

Unflinching, Quintin continued, "I think we should head off to the capital. Probably join with _that_ group under some stupid means if we are around there."

"Group? What group? Something I should know?" Rebecca glanced over to Quintin with slight worry.

"Oh, no one major, just the future exalt, his sister, their bodyguard, andsomeonewhomayormaynotbethespawnofGrima."

"Harris, side conversation, now." Quintin pulled Harris to the side and turned directly to him. "Alright Harris, two things: First, no spoilers. Rebecca _might_ start getting suspicious with your future knowledge and junk. Second, she might be the 'Robin' we know. It could be that we just found her first. Alright?"

"Oooh cool. If she's _the_ Robin, then that means she can support _everyone_. Aww yis."

"At this point, you are getting as desperate as Inigo."

"I'm taking that as a compliment. Inigo best male child."

"No more spoilers. Let's head off."

"_Page 606 Snape kills Dumbledore."_

"Gods damn it Harris." Quintin turned back to Rebecca, who had been sitting there, staring at a particular gold coin. Her eyes seemed entranced by the shine of the metal, pulling her from the physical world. Quintin cleared his throat and said, "Careful, get anymore obsessed with gold and you'll end up like the secret seller."

Rebecca blinked and looked at Quintin. She stared for quite some time before responding, "Who?"

Quintin shook his head, "No one, let's get going."

The three once again went on a grand adventure following the path Quintin traced. The group wasn't far off from Ylisstol and there wasn't much travelling to be done. Unfortunately for the party, though, Harris being knocked out kept them from leaving till afternoon. Not long after the journey started, camp had to be made.

* * *

Quintin was greeted with the same white-green void of last night. This time he just walked towards the chair and waited. A second chair appeared for him and he sat down. After settling, he simply stated "Hello Naga."

"Hello Quintin, setting out for the Shepherds already?"

"Well, I figured it would lead to the best adventures of them all, right?"

"You just want to know if Robin is a thing or not, don't you?"

"... damn, stupid god-but-not-exactly-god powers. Yes, I kinda want to shoot down Harris' dreams of 'supporting' _female me_."

Naga chuckled. "I wouldn't worry too much about that, I have a plan for you three, as you put it, 'support' wise."

"So you are telling me that the 'savior' of this realm spends her time, shipping?"

"Hey, are you really one to talk mister, 'I shall fill the support log!'?"

"I… that's not a fair comparison. I wasn't in control of an actual realm."

"Yet here you are, in this realm that doesn't exist?"

"... Are all divine dragons as bad as you?"

Naga fluttered her eyelashes, "My, whatever could you mean Quintin."

"Ok, first off, don't do that again. That was far too weird to see from a god-but-not-"

"You are really killing that joke, you know. Also, you realize you just commanded the very being that brought you into this world?"

"I've done dumber things. Besides, the worst you could _really_ do is smite me where I stand."

"You said that with no remorse what-so-ever. What is wrong with your head exactly?"

"I have to put up with Harris on a daily basis, and I imagine you went through some trouble to get us here. You probably don't want to just get rid of us like that. Besides, would you really want to get rid of three more powerhouses against Grima?"

"The Harris one I agree with, but you three were called with a snap of my fingers, and I have the future children as my so-called 'powerhouses'."

"Hey, I said no spoilers."

"That was only to Harris."

"Fine, but I do have to say, I expected a much more serious… everything from you."

"When you get to be my age, and not hated by the masses, you tend to stop caring about much, you know? Grima would be in my situation too if, you know, he wasn't the supposed death dragon. Before you harp on me about spoilers, that is addressed kinda early game, so it doesn't matter."

"Well anyway, since you, 'have a plan for all of us', care to tell us when we will be joining Chrom and their group?"  
"I really can't Quintin, some mean guy is yelling about no spoilers, and I'd just _hate_ to anger him."

Quintin subconsciously hears a snort. His thoughts shift to Harris. "Hey, how come Harris isn't involved in these things anyway?"

"Getting a three way is just not something I'm into, you know?"

Quintin burst into a fit of laughter. Naga held a smug look, admiring what she had done. After recovering, Quintin finally got out, "But seriously though, why not?"

"The saying still holds, three way mind links are a pain to get through correctly. Sometimes it can cause some weird stuff. The human brain can only take so much stress before it just folds in on itself. Come on, as a healer, you should know these things _gosh_."

"Oh yeah, that. _WHY THE HELL AM I A HEALER?!_"

"It was the quickest way to war monk. Besides, you can start with axe training once you join Chrom."

"Which will be how soon exactly?"

"Nice try, but there is no way you are having future knowledge. You aren't even a kid."

"Gah, fine. So, quick question, why are you meeting with me in my dreams in the first place?"

"I want to know how my play things are doing. I don't trust Harris to not freak out and think he's going insane, and Rebecca is just… I don't even know what to call her. How weird is it to talk to your female self?"

"It's actually not half bad. Anytime a joke I find great pops in my head, I know I'll have someone to tell it to. I also know that they will laugh instead of wanting to punch me in the face like Harris."

"Hmm, fascinating."

"Hey wait, you kinda have that. What about Tiki?"

"Well Tiki's more of a child, less an exact clone of me."

"Couldn't you just make one if you wanted to?"

"I fear that my clone would just be as all-knowing and freak out that they are just a clone. Might cause a bad scene and all."

"Plot twist: you already did this and _that_ is how Grima came to be."

"... Did you just try to rewrite an entire universes lore with one sentence?"

"And what if I did?"

Naga stared blankly towards him. How does a dragon deal with someone messing with the lore? It doesn't actually hurt anything, but it might give first-timers the wrong idea. She just shrugged and continued on,"By the way, you guys are about the meet the first wave of Risen. I'd suggest waking your companions. Have fun."

"We're WHAT!?" Naga and the void disappeared, leaving Quintin on his bed mat.

**A/N: Look at me actually following protocol and labeling my notes! Good for me! Anyway, I want to ask you guys about Naga's part in this. I want her to be pretty consistent, but I also don't want to force feed my poor writing down your throats to make me feel good. Basically: was the Naga thing decent? Thank you, follow/favorite, rate/review, and all those lovely things. I really need a better way to say those things. I'm also still trying to work out formatting on this thing, just handle my incompetence for a little bit longer please.**


	3. So Robin's a Thing

Quintin jumped off of his bedroll remembering Naga's parting words. He looked to his companions, who were seemingly unphased by Quintin's rustle. Deciding on the quickest way to wake them both, he screamed, "Hey guys! It's time to test your might against some sacks of gas!"

Harris and Rebecca stirred awake, neither seemed to be fully aware of what was happening Rebecca, being the first up, half-mumbles out, "Quintin, even I can't just deal with what you said. What the hell are you even talking about?"

Quintin glanced at Rebecca, praying that she'll just go with it, "Creatures are rising from the ground and are going to kill us unless we slice them all down."

Rebecca, looking slightly bewildered, hesitantly said, "So what do these guys look like?"

"You'll know when you see them. If either of you need help, just call out. I can't do much fighting, but I've got the beans of healing."

Rebecca and Harris nod and prepare their weapons. After some time of waiting, Rebecca raised the question, "So Quintin, do you know _when_ exactly we'll be attacked?" Almost as soon as she finished her question, a large groan was let out. The three turned to look at the source, and the sight was an appalling scene.

"Hey Rebecca."

"Yeah Quintin?"

"Those are the things I was talking about."

"Disgusting."

Harris and Rebecca charged to the Risen, closing the gap in mere moments. Rebecca twirled in between the Risen, creating light slashes when openings arose. Harris was swinging madly towards anything that was purple. He struck out, smashing an axeman's weapon into their own head. Basking in the sheer brutality of the scene, Harris didn't notice a sword slash out to him. Noticing this, Quintin pulled out his rescue staff and held it high above his head, focusing on Harris.

The usual green light enveloped Harris, then pulled him back to Quintin. Quintin smirked and told Harris, "Hey pay attention, I don't think Naga would appreciate her projects dying so quickly."

"Don't refer to me as her project _Matt_."

"Still, go help Rebecca."

"Yessir"

Harris charged back, cleaving through anything in his path. The Risen were slowly surrounding the three. One axeman struck out at Quintin, which Rebecca blocked. Harris quickly charged the axeman. A harsh white light came out from his midsection, and he shouted "RIP in pieces!" The axeman was split directly in half.

"Way to go, first crit of the game," Quintin remarked.

"Fuck yeah."

The scene was turning poor for them, as the Risen's numbers seemed to be increasing. Death seemed nigh until a group swooped in, clearing half the horde. The figures made quick work of the rest of Risen, putting Harris and Rebecca's work to shame. After the Risen were cleared, the group gathered around our three. Their leader turned to Quintin and said, "Please be careful, these creatures are sure to plague the land even more." Quintin looked closer at the figure and instantly recognized who it was.

"Well hey there, Lu-I mean Marth. Have you meet your father yet? We're starting a journey to go meet them."

"Wha-What do you mean my father? How exactly do you know my name? Who are you?" 'Marth' seemed suspicious from Quintin's question.

"Oh crap, right. Probably don't know us, do you? Well I am Quintin, this is Harris, and she is Rebecca. As to how we know you… Harris, care to help me out?"

"Outrealm Gate."

"Yeah, from an Outrealm, sounds right," Quintin added.

"Technically we are from an Outrealm, since in this universe alternate planes are expressed as Outrealms."

"Alright you two!" 'Marth' cut in, clearly confused by Quintin and Harris' argument. "So you are telling me you are from an Outrealm? Well, how exactly does that explain how you know me?"

Quintin thought about how to approach this, then started, "Your world's history is a sort of a… legend to our people. Many hold your tales dearly, and will discuss them given the chance. Needless to say, Harris and I hold plenty of knowledge of your _entire_ story, Marth."

"Woah woah woah, you two are from an Outrealm? You neglected to tell me this beforehand." Rebecca joined in, looking sternly at Quintin.

"Did we? Oh well. We're from an Outrealm. There. I told you."

Harris and Rebecca continued to bicker on that subject, while 'Marth' turned to Quintin. "Well, if you truly are from an Outrealm, then you'll know who my father is. So tell me, who is he?"

"Well, you see, I wouldn't _exactly _like to give spoilers. So how about I just whisper into your ear?" Quintin whispered the answer into 'Marth's' ear.

"IT'S CHROM!"

"SON OF A BITCH, HARRIS!" Quintin whipped around to his aggravator, causing a chuckle from 'Marth'.

"Well, it seems you do know what you are talking about. Come, I left those that you seek to finish off a smaller force of Risen. I'll take you to meet them. But be warned: I'll be watching you and if you _ever_ harm any of the Shepherds, I'll remove you from this plane myself."

"Message received Mar- you know what, can I just call you Lucina, since everyone here knows?"

"Please, Harris was it? Just don't say my true identity to any of the Shepherds."

"Don't worry Lucina, I won't do anything to compromise your identity. I'll leave that reveal up to you for whenever you're ready. What I wanted to ask is, when you came back, were there any children with you that weren't Gerome, Cynthia, Brady, Yarne, Morgan, Severa, Laurent, Kjelle, Inigo, Owain, Nah, or Noire? No names if there was, I just want a yes or no."

"I… I don't really know if I should reveal that to you."

"That's alright, your hesitancy is answer enough. I just wanted to know if our arrival here would affect that particular bit of history."

"L… let's just go meet Chrom and the others, alright?" M- Lucina stammered out, turning in the opposite direction and heading off. All three followed, with Quintin mumbling about the number of spoilers that were just revealed. Lucina lead the three through the forest into a clearing. Many trees were burnt, and there wasn't much other life to be recorded. Four figures were standing in the middle of the field. Seeing them, Lucina turned around to Quintin and Harris. "Alright you two, this is the point where I start being Marth again, ok?" She glared to Harris.

"Who the hell are you actually?" Rebecca stared directly to Lucina, a stern look in her eyes.

"This woman, she isn't a part of your realm, is she?" Lucina asked.

"It's a complicated situation. I'm half the reason it happened, and I'm not entirely sure what's going on." Quintin hesitantly answered.

"Alright, well, come along then. If you are going to be a part of my father's army, you'll need someone to put a good word in." Lucina turned and moved towards the figures in the field. Quintin, Harris, and Rebecca swiftly followed her.

"I don't think you'll need to try very hard to convince him, considering he recruited a 14-year with zero training after seeing him kill like two bandits. I'd think he'd jump at the fact that he'd get a healer and two proficient swords people."

"I… well.. you have a point, Harris. Anyway, quiet now." Lucina and company walked up to the four Shepherds. The usual conversation was just starting.

"It seems all the creatures are vanquished. This young man took care of the others." Frederick calmly analyzed.

"Um, I never got to thank you… for before. So… thank you. You were very brave." Lissa looked up to Lucina with a gleam in her eye.

At this Chrom cleared his throat, "You saved my sister's life. My name is Chrom. Might I ask yours?"

Lucina glanced back to Quintin and Harris before saying, "You may call me Marth."

"Marth? After the heroic king of old? You certainly fight like a hero. Where did you learn your way with a sword?"

Lucina calmly replied, "I'm not here to talk about me. The world borders on the brink of a horrible calamity. What you saw tonight was but a prelude. You have been warned." Lucina started to walk away before Quintin cleared his throat. She suddenly remembered their existence and added, "These three are capable warriors, I leave them in your hands." With that, she walked off into the trees.

Chrom turned to the three and said, "Hello, Marth seemed confident in your abilities. I take it you care to join the Shepherds?"

Frederick stiffened up, "Milord, is it wise to recruit four random strangers in one day?"

"If it eases your mind Sir, we'd be willing to answer any questions you may have for us," Harris added.

Frederick then turned to him, "Very well, where exactly are you three from?"

Quintin quickly blurted out, "Narnia!"

"Quintin hails from Narnia, as he said, while I hail from America. You haven't heard of these lands, because they are in a particularly remote Outrealm. I can't speak for Rebecca, as I'm not wholly certain of her origins."

"I'm not entirely sure to be honest." Rebecca added in.

"Well, I'm still not sure if I am comfortable with these three strangers. I suggest utmost caution, Milord." Frederick glared at the three as he said this.

"You always do Frederick, you always do." Chrom sighed at Frederick's words.

"He does have a point sir. If we were less reputable people, there's every chance that we'd join you only to rob you blind during the night or even get close to assassinate you."

Chrom blinked, "Fair point, but seeing as you brought it up, I'm willing to bet you won't. Besides, if you are friends of Marth, I'm sure you are worthy people. Welcome to the Shepherds."

"Well it's good to know I won't be the only new one around." A man in a robe stepped forth, revealing that there was indeed Robin among their midst.

At this, Quintin's eyes grew. He quickly stepped up and said, "Hello sir, who exactly would you be?"

"My name is Robin. I'm afraid that's about all I can't tell you right now, sorry about that." Robin scratched the back of his head.

"Oh truly that's all I needed to know. In fact, why don't we all get introductions out of the way right now, hmm?" Quintin looked out to his new companions.

"Well, why don't we do that on the road, we should probably head back to the capital to make sure it's safe." Frederick sternly glanced at Quintin, who meet his gaze fully.

* * *

The party marched through the night, eventually reaching Ylisstol. Robin seemed amazed at the sight of it, and Quintin couldn't blame him. The capital certainly was a sight to behold. All the buildings held their own form of grandeur, even the simple shops. Robin was finally able to stammer out, "So this is the capital? I've never seen so many people!"

"Thank goodness, the capital was spared from the destruction." Frederick said, a slight smile forming on his face.

An old voice could be heard in the distance, "Look! The Exalt has come!"

The party turned in the direction the old man was pointing. Down the road walks a column of Pegasus Knights, and at their head walks a beautiful woman. She had a soft, welcoming glow to her. Her smile was large and she seemed to send it towards every individual in the crowd.

"It seems the tales of Emmeryn are true… " Quintin finally let out.

"You know of her? Even in the Outrealms it seems the exalted line is famous." Chrom preens.

"It's less that the exalted line is famous, and moreso that it's your immediate family who is famous Chrom," Harris replies, causing Chrom to deflate slightly. "As a matter of fact, I can't recall any of your line besides The Exalt, Lissa, the Hero-King Marth and yourself."

"Speaking of Marth, what do you know about our blue-haired savior from earlier?" asks Frederick.

"Not much sadly. We met him shortly after you did, and only spoke long enough to thank him for the rescue and ask who he was. As far as I know he told us what he told you, that his name is Marth. We talked a little, and he told us that he had met a small group near us who seemed in need of some assistance, so we asked him to take us to you, and here we are."

"Wait, did I just hear you correctly? Chrom and Lissa are royals?!" Robin grew visibly flustered. He started babbling oddities resembling 'Milord' and 'Milady' repeatedly.

"Hmm? Oh, did I forget to mention that? Woops. Well, now you know! Right Robin? Er, Robin?" Chrom looked over to the tactician, who was still freaking out at the news. "Are you ok ther-"

"_What kind of royalty tend sheep?!_" Robin finally spoke.

"Only the most devoted. Come, let's go see sis."

Everyone else nodded their agreement, and the group headed off to the castle. Chrom showed Robin, Quintin, Harris, and Rebecca a small tour as they all made their way through the castle. When Chrom wasn't explaining some portion of the castle, Lissa and Rebecca would blab away talking about a subject that would change every half a minute. Robin was asking Quintin and Harris about all the Ylissiean history they could muster. This went on for some time until the group came upon two larger doors. At this Chrom smiled and walked forward, pushing the doors open. The doors squeaked open to reveal a balcony overlooking a modest courtyard. In the middle of the balcony was Emmeryn and her guard Phila. Hearing the door, Emmeryn turns toward the sound. "I see you've made it back! How was the journey?"

"Any bandits we may have faced before have been promptly removed."

"Delightful! How are the good people then?"

"Well sis, they are safe for now. The borders certainly need to stay under watch. Brigands have been coming in from Plegia."

"I will station even more knights around the borders, Your Grace." Phila bowed and moved to a separate hallway.

Emmeryn looked behind Chrom to see a yet again jittery Robin and the three others. "Oh Chrom, you are these people?"

Chrom turned briefly to his new friends. "The silver haired man is Robin, he has risked his life for the people of Ylisse. The man with the darker grey hair is Harris, the short guy is Quintin, and she is Rebecca."

"Greetings, all of you."

Rebecca flashed a large smile and bowed, Quintin smiled lightly and nodded, Harris seemed frozen, but did manage something resembling a smile, and Robin bowed with a simple, "Milady."

Emmeryn refocused on Chrom, "Now Chrom, we are holding a war council and I was hoping you would join us."

"Oh course sister."

Lissa turned to the four new recruits with a gleam in her eye, "That's our cue guys, there's great people I want you to met!" She then grabbed Robin and Rebecca by the arms and drug them along. She shouted back to Quintin and Harris, "Come on you two! I only have so many arms!'

Quintin and Harris looked to each other, nodded, and briskly caught up with Lissa.

**A/N: I figured I'd give the three people that check this regularly a new chapter a day early. This is mostly just in case I can't get the next chapter out on the usual weekly basis. I'll try, I'll really try, but no promises. Also, I feel bad that this has so far been ****_mostly_**** focused on Quintin's mind. I'll try to start giving Harris and Rebecca more of a central point feel. Finally: ****_Oh man so much cliff hanger, who could Lissa ever be taking them to see?!_**** *Ahem* Sorry about that, I'll be leaving now.**


	4. Rescues, Shepherds, and PTSD? Oh My!

Lissa led the group to a building off to the side of the castle. While approaching the doors, Lissa turned around with a huge grin on her face, "Here we are! Welcome to the home of the Shepherds!" Lissa pushed open the two large doors, producing a loud creek. She proceeded to grab Robin and Rebecca by the wrist again and marched directly in, with Quintin and Harris promptly following.

Inside the barracks were two people making idle conversation. What they were saying will never be known, as once Lissa walked into the main room a shrill and worried voice called out, "Lissa my darling treasure!" A bright pink flash with bouncing blonde curls darted across the room, stopping only when right in front of Lissa. "My goodness, I've sprouted fourteen gray hairs worrying about you!"

"Ah Maribelle, you worry too much. What's one battle or two? Now the bugs and bear, I could do without."

The blonde brute standing near Lissa interjected at this point, "That's great and all, but where's Chrom? I gotta rub it in his face how weak he was without Teach's ol' trusty axe."

"Yes, because _Vaike _is the strong one here. Not, oh, _Frederick_ or anything. You know, the one who's like Vaike except much stronger, far more amicable, and is just an all-around better person?" mumbles Harris, already supremely annoyed with his douche-ness.

Having not noticed Harris' rage, Sumia adds, "Pardon, but when will we get to see Captain?"

"Oh Sumia, it's so sweet of you to worry about Chrom like that," Lissa giggled.

"Hmm? Chrom? Oh no, I was talking about Frederick. I certainly hope he didn't overexert himself trying to protect you two again, we both know how passionate he can be about your safety. Oh what it must be like to be in those shoes…" With that, Sumia drifted off with a distant look in her eyes.

Lissa paused for a moment before her eyes grew wide again, "Oh my gosh! I almost forgot to introduce you guys to new friends!" Lissa turned to a confused Robin before continuing, "Meet Robin! Chrom made him our new tactician. Oh, and that's Rebecca, he's Harris, and he's Quintin." Each nodded a greeting in response to their name called.

"Heh Robin, can you do this?" Vaike started to produce a low rumble, turning into a loud belch. "BUURRR-" Vaike was interrupted by Harris punching him square in the jaw.

"Not today, you disgusting blonde ogre!"

"How uncouth! While I am grateful that I don't have to hear another one of those disgusting outlets, one should be more careful with their violence!" Maribelle turned to Harris and delivered a solid whack with her trusty parasol.

"Oi. Look at it this way, I could have just stabbed him." Harris meekly smiled to Maribelle, who in turn just glared at him.

"I truly hope your other friends here are cut from finer cloths than _you._"

"Ah yes, the Klepto and the failed healer. Truly, they are the pinnacle of society today as we know it."

"Thanks man, appreciate that one. Marking it in the books"

"Luv u bb."

At some point during the exchange, a man in a large suit of armor had walked into the main room. The man cleared his throat, catching Quintin's attention. After focusing on the man and waving, the Shepherds all stared at him. Quintin looked the group and calmly asked, "What? Can I not wave to a man I do not know? _Am I not allowed to be polite people?_"

Sumia stepped up hesitantly before saying, "Quintin, there's no one there."

Quintin looked to Harris, "You see him too, right? The big man in the orange trimmed giant hunk of armor."

"Yeah, he's been there for about a minute now. I just didn't want to say anything until he did. His level of stealth is rather impressive to make barely any noise in that massive set of armour."

At this the man spoke up, "Thank you, but it's not like I really try. Wait, you two can see me? _Oh man, finally someone can see me! What a day!_"

The man's voice prompted all the Shepherds to jump. After recovering Lissa turned to the now apparently visible man before saying, "Geez Kellam, you shouldn't just sneak up on people like that! You'll scare someone to death one day!"

Harris leaned in closer to Quintin, "Psst, hey Quintin."

"What?"

"We need to weaponize that. Imagine how much easier the Plegia and Valm conquests will be if the generals mysteriously die of heart attacks!"

"I'm not the tactician here, Harris. Talk to ol' silver locks over there."

"We're avatars, we can second seal into tacticians."

"I'd never trust your tactics, we'd spend too much time beating random corpses for strength."

"It works okay? And tell me it wouldn't be fun to give everyone here a Ragnell and Helswath."

Chrom, who apparently had walked into the garrison, cleared his throat gaining the attention of everyone in the room, "Everyone, we have a new mission. Emmeryn has asked us to go to Ferox and secure an alliance. Normally my sister would do such tasks herself, but she wants to make sure the people are safe. Anyone who cares to join may volunteer, although I would like to see you new recruits in action." Chrom turned to the three with a questioning look.

Rebecca sprang forward, "Count me in, boss! I've got a stabbing-"

"Rebecca dear, if you finish that sentence I may be forced to stab you."

"Oh _sure_, you can mention stabbing, but as soon as I do it! Pfft." Rebecca proceeded to glare at Harris, who stuck his tongue out in response.

"Harris and I will come too, I can rescue people like no other." Quintin pulled out one of many rescue staves out of his bag and triumphantly struck it on to floor."

"And I can cut people whilst spewing 'witty' commentary."

"Yeah, and I _could_ stab people." Rebecca mumbled.

"Er… right. So, anyone else?"

Everyone else in the room had of course agreed, even Kellam who managed to scare Chrom into jumping into Harris' arms.

"Zoinks Scoob- I mean Chrom." Harris chuckled as he put down the paled prince.

Once he was down, Chrom cleared his throat, "Right, we head off tomorrow. Someone should probably tell Stahl about this so he can meet us, who volunteers?"

"Ol' Teach can go do i-"

"NO! I mean, how about Harris and I go do that? It'll help us learn the area a bit more, right? Beside Vaike, just make sure you have your bloody axe." Quintin turned towards the aforementioned merc, "You ok with that?"

"Sure dude."

"Alright, I'll have Frederick show you to your rooms and the direction of Stahl's room. Frederick!"

"You rang milord?"

"I'm sure you heard what you have to do, I'll be off." Chrom strutted out of the barracks back to the castle.

"Who struts anymore?"

"The better question, given our timeframe, who struts _now_? Are people called Prema-chroma's now?"

"By the gods that was so bad, but I still laughed."

Frederick cleared his throat, clearly unamused by the scene in front of him, "Now, if you two are done, follow me to your room." He turned and went down a hallway tucked into the left corner of the main room. The three continued to walk until reaching the end of the hall. "Now, here is your room and the directions to Stahl's home. You will be sharing this room with sir Robin as well, so please try not to disturb our new tactician. " Frederick's entire being seemed to glare while saying his final statement, bow before he bowed and walked back in the direction of the main room.

"I'm going to disturb the _shit_ out of Robin now."

"Don't you bloody dare, I don't feel like dying because of your shit, Harris."

"I'll agree to not to under one condition."

"I'll bite, what?"

"You spend the next few minutes running around Yisstol rescuing me. That shit's fun."

Quintin shrugged off his bag and leaned over it. "I don't know man, I might run out of rescue staves if we do that." Quintin opened his bag to reveal piles upon piles of rescue staves. "I'm pretty sure Naga gave me a little gift when she sent us here. I don't know if this bag ever runs out."

"You get infinite Rescue staves, and alls I get is an iron sword and a second seal. _Wunderbar._"

"Anyway, let's go fill your request now. I don't feel like being wiped out when we show up to Stahl's."

"Yay! Bonus points if you manage to drop me on Rebecca!"

"Harris, she's off with LIssa. She went to the women's rooms and all."

"Drive-by rescuing yo."

"Let's just go."

The two went out into the streets to rescue the day away.

* * *

_Meanwhile_

Rebecca followed the bouncing cleric to her new room. Lissa was humming slightly as they made their way down the hall passing door after door. Finally the cleric turned to Rebecca with her ever present grin. "Alright! Here's your new room! I guess it doesn't really matter that much right now though, seeing as we are heading off tomorrow morning. Ah well, mind if I stick around and talk?"

"If there's a mess in there, I can't be the blame," Rebecca opened the door and continued into the room. She looked around to find a simple area consisting of a desk, one bookshelf, and a simple bed. Motioning to the chair at the desk, she fell down onto her bed. "So, you must've had something on your mind if you wanted to stay and talk with me. What's up?"

"Well, I wanted to know the story of your two companions."

"The story?"

"Yeah the story! How long have you guys been traveling together? Do you… _like_ either of them? Do either of them like you? Come on Rebecca, I need details here!"

Rebecca told the story of her meeting with the duo while Lissa stared intently at her. Once her story was over, Lissa sighed and leaned back, "You didn't even tell me if you like either one! Come on girl!"

"Well I mean, Harris is… er…" Rebecca was never able to finish her sentence, as she was whisked away by a green light.

The flash had taken her directly outside her door. Quickly glancing up, she saw Harris and Quintin sprinting away. Harris so gracefully called out, "HAHAHA! DRIVE BY RESCUE MOTHERFUCKER!"

The freshly rescued thief sat on the floor glaring in their direction, "I'm going to kill those two. No negotiations. They're dead. Care to help Lissa?"

Lissa was holding in a laugh as well as she could. She tried to respond which only lead to her busting out into a giggle. Catching her breath she managed to say, "Sure Rebecca, sure. Just try not to kill them before we finish in Ferox."

"No promises at all."

The cleric stood up and stretched, letting out a sigh as she exhaled. "Well it's getting late. How about we talk more on the road tomorrow?" She launched a beaming smile to Rebecca, who responded with her own.

"Very well then, being away from those two will probably do me good." The two parted ways and Rebecca slumped back into the bed. She drifted off peacefully to sleep.

* * *

The Shepherds left early and had made decent ground already, before Chrom turned and looked at the group. "So, has anyone seen Stahl? You did go tell him Harris, right?"

"Well, I told the area around him at least. Guy seemed a bit distracted by the massive pile of food he was shoveling into his mouth."

Chrom sighed, "He would've heard you, he always does. I just wonder where he is."

A shout came from the distance, "HOLD UP! I'M COMING GUYS! WHY DO YOU WALK SO FAST!?" A man dressed in green armour ran up to the group panting heavily. "Sorry guys, I didn't believe the random guy that shouted at me last night. Who was he anyway? He seemed off somehow, like he'd been rescued a few too many times."

"Says the cavelier who forgot his horse."

"Huh? Oh hey! It's you! I didn't forget my horse, she's always with the Shepherd stables. There's no way I could get a horse to my house. Does anyone have some food though? I had to miss breakfast to catch up to you guys."

Quintin walked up Stahl, pulling a package out of his bag, "Don't worry, I thought something like this would happen. It's from this morning's breakfast at the barracks so it's not the freshest thing in the world, but I'm sure it'll do."

The cavelier grabbed the package out of Quintin's hands, "Thanks.. er…"

"Quintin."

"Nice to meet you!"

"These introductions are great and all, but we need to get going. Shepherds, let's go." Chrom turned briskly and once again strutted to the front of the line, leading the group down the road.

"Man, what a _prema-chroma_."

Quintin groaned in response, "I get it Harris, it was a bad joke. I'm not proud of it."

* * *

The group continued on the trail for some time. At about midday, Frederick called out from his frontal position, "Milord! Risen are plaguing the bridge!"

"What? Very well then, Shepherds, to arms! Robin, let's see that tactical mind of yours with a larger group."

"Uh yeah, ok. Well… how about this.."

Robin quickly explained his plan before everyone dispersed. The Risen had actually stood no chance against the sheer might of the army. All was going perfectly fine until Harris suddenly broke down, grabbed Quintin and Rebecca and sprinted to the hill south of the battlesite, screaming something about 'safe spots' and 'hawkeye luna + combos'. Robin split the group up to go cover Harris and his unfortunate victims. This left Chrom, Kellam, and Frederick to finish the chief.

Chrom and the chief locked weapons in a small power struggle, each straining to get the advantage. The axeman fell under Chrom's strength and took a gash to the gut. Unflinching, he threw his axe towards Chrom barely nicking his exposed arm. At this Frederick's eyes grew greatly, "Milord! _How dare he touch your magnificence!_" A bright white flash erupted out of Frederick's torso as he shouted "Pick a god and pray!' Frederick pulled up his silver lance, and cleaved the risen in half.

Chrom stood dumbfounded at Frederick's intense display before commenting, "I'm no expert on lances, but aren't they intended for thrusting?"

The great knight stiffened up before responding, "Forgive me milord, I failed to protect you. I shall increase my efforts ten fold." He rode off to finish the remaining risen.

* * *

"Geez, that was rough." Robin sat next to Quintin, who was trying to recover.

"I wouldn't know. No one needed to be rescued and all."

"Don't you have any other staves in your bag?"

"No room, this bag is actually nothing but supplies and rescues."

Robin blinked in surprise, "Anyway, what was Harris' deal back there? I really could have used his brute force to get past that bridge."

"He… uh… We were jumped by Risen! Back on the day we met. Yeah, he hasn't been really the same since. That's it." Quintin nervously glanced to Harris, who was currently with the rest of the Shepherds at the "Weapon Triangles and Me" lecture.

"Right. Well, I hope he gets better. He didn't seem that off when we were in our room."

"He sleeps worse than a dog, that's never a valid state to observe him in."

"Noted."

The Shepherds made camp for the night, knowing that they could reach Ferox early tomorrow. Everyone went to their tents, and fell into sleep.

**A/N: Q:So many new features in one chapter! A focus shift away from Quintin(let's all be honest, we needed one), and now interactive AN's! Right Harris?**

**H:Hells yeah. I finally convinced this fool to let us do the AN's after we finished the chapter as opposed to whenever he got around to uploading it so we both get some input(?) on this.**

**Q: Regardless, it's actually time for addressing the fact that I'm a terrible person. I have yet to thank the wonderful people that have left reviews(that may or may not have made me and Harris overly giddy) *Ahem* Gunlord500: Glad you liked the start! I was unsure how to really pull the beginning without being the standard Self-Insert format. **

**Harrinator: You are an awful person (H: luv u bb)**

**Guest: A. Thank you for making me realize I didn't have guest reviews enabled. B. As I'm sure it's obvious by now, I will gladly continue writing the mess of FE:A(H: there's no chance in hell i'd let him stop.). Here's to hoping for more consistent updates soon.**

**Experiment Twilight: I think it's best to let Harris take over this thank you, it seems rather fitting due to his reaction (oh and by the way check out his stuff it's actually amazing[he didn't put me up to this, so don't think that]) Harris?**

**H: So. You. You beautiful man you. I may or may not have **_**freaked the fuck out **_**when Quintin told me about your review. I wasn't really expecting any positive feedback in regards to Harris, and when you said you loved my character, I may have made a considerably odd noise in my excitement. How'd I explain it to you Quintin? **

**Q: Bats running into a wall, or a shoe squeaking against the floor, or a vinyl record scratch. Pretty much all three**

**H: Sounds about right.**

**Q: As this is a god damn long note, I'm finishing with a final announcement: the next update will unlikely be back on schedule(don't kill me the three to four people that actually check this regularly) but that update after that (with no stupid things popping up) will be normal.**

**H: "long note"? Obviously this fool has never read UiaWoF (s/10067853/) (written by Starspike7 and Trebor117, who were two of the first authors i've ever read on this site (With spike being the actual first) **

**Q: with one final shameless plug, goodbye!**

**H: Bye people! See you next time!**

**Q: We apologize to Experiment Twilight, that was some mix up(it's fixed now)**


	5. Feroxi Fellows

Quintin slipped out from his tent, ensuring he wouldn't make a sound. He could only imagine how many blades Frederick would hold to him at once if he was discovered. It was amazing how slow Frederick was to trust people when they weren't planning out ways to save your hide. The Harris incident earlier that day probably didn't help, which is why he was out here so late. He pulled a rescue staff out, praying to Naga that the light wouldn't disturb anyone. Focusing in Harris' direction, he mentally called out to the merc. Quickly the green light dropped a groggy Harris onto the ground. Quintin leaned in and spoke in a hushed tone, "Morning princess, how was your sleep? Careful not to scream, or the big bad Fred monster will come get you."

"Naga damn it man, what's the deal?"

"The deal is that bloody stunt you pulled with Rebecca and I. _What the hell was that man? Those Risen were obviously just pushovers. Do you not remember yourself slaughtering the masses?"_

"I do remember it man, it's just, the memories of the… _other_ profile are stronger."

"Alright, just, calm it down with that stuff. You could have jeopardized Robin's entire plan! I'd rather live at least to the death of Gangrel, thank you very much."

"I'm pretty sure it won't happen again. It's just this particular part of the story that I have that kind of problem with."

"Just know, pull that again, and you will be rescued directly up. It won't be enough to kill you, but I'd rather not take that fall damage."

"'Rescued directly up?' Since when can you rescue people in directions other than right next to you?"

"I am the master of rescuing, your simple rescue means do not bother me. I think I'm even finding a way to rescue my enemies to me. Still not sure about that one though."

"I think at this point we should come up with a different name other than 'rescue', considering what we'd do to the enemy units wouldn't be exactly 'rescuing'."

"It would be rescuing them from their NPC lives."

"They aren't really NPC's anymore you realise right? We're fully here. That blood on my sword and armour from earlier? It certainly seemed real. Smelled, felt, and tasted like normal blood."

"Shhhh, they don't need to be acknowledged." Quintin turned quickly to some bushes nearby. "Damn, we're being watched. Quickly, back to camp."

As the two turned and hurried back to camp, a figure emerged from the bush. "The one set of people that can see me, damn. At least I can put Frederick's mind to rest about these two. They're just crazy at most." Kellam sulked back into camp and returned to his tent.

* * *

The Shepherds had begun the march to Feroxi. The effects of the road hadn't taken hold yet, so there were still many in high spirits. The usual events happened: Rebecca and Lissa were talking about _something_, Vaike was flexing his muscles to anyone who would give him a glance, Frederick would dust off the road ahead of the group, Sumia would still manage to trip every now and again, Stahl was pulling food out of every pocket of his bag, and Kellam was talking to Harris and Quintin.

A few hours into the march, a loud cry was heard. Immediately Chrom, and a few others, broke from the path the find the cry. Not too far off the path the group found a pegasus in obvious pain. Chrom halted everyone with a raise of his hand, "Alright, I'm going to try and calm it down." As soon as he approached the beast, it reared back. "New plan: Does anyone have any idea how to handle pegasi?"

Sumia hesitantly stepped forward, "I think I may know how to handle her, sir."

"Great! Have at the stubborn thing."

Sumia nodded and began to slowly approach the pegasus. "There there girl, there's no need to be upset."

"My jimmies feel a tad bit rustled Quintin."

"Not now Harris." Quintin added a slight jab to Harris' torso.

Sumia had managed to approach and tame the pegasus, "There, that's better. I'll just fix you right up you pretty thing. You guys go on ahead, I'll catch up. Give Frederick my apologizes that we will have to put my training on hold."

"Well alright Sumia, we'll see you there." Chrom swiftly turned around, and headed back to the rest of the Shepherds.

"Heh. Fuck that ship, I didn't like it anyways. Too canonical for my tastes."

"I would warn you about ship wars, but I guess we are the only two that understand. Oh wait, Naga. Yeah, careful. Don't upset her."

"Yeah, whatever. I'll start watching myself whenever she includes me in you guy's little conversations."

"She's not into three ways, alright?"

"I give you and her three weeks after first consummation before you include Tiki in the mix."

"_It's not even like that!"_

"Yeah. Sure it isn't. And you also don't want to complete the Support Log. And you don't have the _biggest_ hardon for Tharja. And you don't even like Noire."

"... I actually don't have a hardon for Tharja. Her and Robin are just best."

"Shut it you fuckin' cuck. I know you like her. You don't even know if that ship's sailing here."

"Quintin, Harris! Are you two coming or what?" Robin called back to the two, who managed to not move from their spots.

"Yeah, yeah, we're coming. I just needed to speak with this guy concerning his relationship with everyone's favorite not-god, and subsequently, his attraction to sorcerers."

* * *

Quintin was beaming as the Shepherds made their way ever closer to Feroxi. "Ahh, don't you just love this weather? There's no heat, the air feels fresh, everything is just great. Kinda makes you forget we're marching to gain allies for a war, eh?" Quintin glanced over to Harris, who was giving Quintin a pained scowl and had an odd limp.

"Yeah, real f-fuckin' great. You know how my arthritis gets in the cold man."

"Pfft, it's not even that cold yet. How cold do you think it is Robin?"

"I'm going to go with too cold. Snow is a decent indicator to leave an area immediately."

"You guys are no fun. Chrom is walking around without a sleeve, and _he's_ managing just fine."

"Yeah, but he's _C-chrom. _One does not simply h-hold him to the same s-standards of mortal men."

At this the blue haired prince fell into step with the others, "I wouldn't be so sure th-that I'm holding out fine. I'm seriously regretting not bringing one of Frederick's many suggested fur coats."

"I have three extra just for you, milord!"

"_Oh sweet Naga._ Erm, when exactly did you get there, Frederick?"

"As soon as I heard milord shiver in the cold, sire."

"Heard me… know what? Thank you. Go about your regular routines."

"Yes sir!"

As Frederick went off, Chrom heard the snickering of his three companions and sighed. "Any of you guys want a battle maid? Not too used, and it won't cost you too much. I'm just happy to be rid of the thing."

"Harris here, starting the b-bidding at fifty gold."

Robin raised his hand confidently, "Right here!"

"Raising you to three hundred."

"That's all Harris? Five hundred, right here, right now."

"SIX HUNDRED AND MY FIRSTBORN SON!"

"Jeez. Alright, you can have him. I concede. Well Chrom, looks like Harris owns your battle maid."

Quintin wiped out a book and flipped open to a random page, "By the power vested in me, this agreement shall forever withstand, or I shall never rescue again. Now shake on it you two." Harris and Robin firmly shake hands while Quintin and Chrom cheer.

Frederick, who had mounted his steed, rode to the front of the line. With his usual commanding voice he called out, "Everyone, we are approaching the gates. Be on your best behavior, and let milord handle this." At the final words, Chrom shuddered.

"Oh, I have to do this? Damn, I'm no good with politics."

"Go on prince-y, it's all you now bub."

Chrom groaned and sulked towards the gate. As he approached it, he heard a strong voice come out, "Halt you foul heathens! You shall not come any closer!"

Frederick bolted to Chrom's side, "Excuse you milady! Who are you to be talking to the prince of Ylisse in that manner?"

The woman in question let out a hearty laugh, "The prince of Ylisse? Oh yeah, and I'm the princess of Chon'sin!"

"Why, you most certainly are not! I hear they actually teach manners in Chon'sin!"

At Frederick's last remark, Chrom finally stepped back in, "Alright! Listen, my sister will be expecting word from me in a few days. I'd rather not make her worry any more than I have to. So please, can we just be let in? All we want to do is see the Khan."

The woman instantly barked back, "Over my dead body! Alright, attack!"

"*sigh* Good going Chrom. I had an argument made up to diffuse the situation, and you just _had_ to aggravate the locals. Why do we let you talk again?"

"Remind me Harris, why do I pay you again?"

"You don't buddy, I loot corpses and steal from Rebecca. I was never put on the payroll."

"For good reason. Shepherds, to arms!"

Robin rolled his eyes at his commander, "Five minutes is all I ask for pre-planning. Will you ever give me that?"

"Someday, but not right now."

"Fine, whatever. Lissa, Rebecca, Harris, Miriel, Vaike, Stahl, and Kellam, take the left. Quintin, Frederick, Chrom, Sully, Virion, and myself shall take the right. Now, move out!" At that moment, a pegasus swooped down onto the ground. After the dust cleared, a proud Sumia sat tall on a pegasus.

She saluted and confidently said, "Reporting for duty, sir!"

After the grand spectacle, Robin simply shook his head and sighed. "Alright, now I have flying troops to worry about, great. Take the right side with us, and for the love of Naga watch out for archers."

The right side team set out quickly. Frederick and Sumia were attacking with the flats of their lances in a flurry, making small gashes if needed. Virion, riding on Sully's horse, fired an endless volley of arrows into people's legs while Sully smacked their heads with the butt of her lance. Robin and Chrom seemed to be working out some new technique and were using the Feroxi as training the while, Quintin just stood back with his newly acquired heal staff while calling, "If you get injured I can heal you! No one? Ok, I'll be back here, supporting you guys. Go team!"

The left side didn't move out quite as fast. When Robin launched the attack, Harris sprinted past the rest of the left flank waving his arms like a deranged man. Once he was at the head of the flank, he promptly spun around and shouted, "EVERYONE STOP! Before we start rushing in like the fools Robin totally thinks we are, let's actually do some tactics more in-depth than, 'You seven go that way, and you six go _this _way'. Miriel, get on Stahl's horse. Your job is to provide covering fire for the rest of us. Stahl, if anyone gets close, I do not want you to engage, just run away and let Miriel handle it. Vaike, stick close to Kellam, preferably behind him. He can provide mobile cover for you while you rush the archers. Rebecca, I'll need you to employ your natural thief-ness and try to stay to the outskirts of the battle, only engaging when you know you'll be able to get in, kill something, and get out fast. No offence, but you aren't built for being a front-line fighter. Lissa, you'll stay at the back of the pack, healing when needed. But before we actually advance, I want to test something."

Harris turned toward the Feroxi, a look of concentration on his face. Slowly, he crept forward stopping every few steps. The entire time not looking away from the nearest he would clank his sword on a rock, or make some grunting sound towards the soldier.

"If you don't quite mind me asking, oh so glorious new-found tactician, what exactly are you doing?" Rebecca shot an annoyed look to Harris, who still was staring down the enemy.

"Testing a theory, my dear kleptomaniac. Through the grapevine, I heard a rumor that the average Feroxi soldier is effectively deaf and blind out of a range of about ten meters."

"Yeah. Ok. Bullshit. You just don't know what you are-"

"Rebecca dear, how about you _shut the fuck up and look at them totally not being able to see or hear me?"_

"Can't, 'they are out of range.'"

"...You're damn lucky I don't have any authority in this army yet."

"'Yet.' Assuming you'll ever get it?"

"Bitch I fully expect to be a commander by the time this war ends. Anyway, ignoring the insubordination, I'd just like to point out that I'm _completely_ right, as none of them have made an aggressive move toward us, even though our right flank is currently engaging in battle with their allies and their commander explicitly gave the order to attack."

Harris took another step forward, which caused the Feroxi to spring into action, "Hey, there they are! Attack men!"

"Good work, you useless mercenary."

"Whatever Becca. Stahl, take the left, get Miriel in range to take out that Knight! Kellam and Vaike, rush those archers!"

"Just leave these dudes to Ol' Teach, he'll knock 'em in no time!"

"Less yapping, more killing!"

The group promptly finished off the Feroxi with little resistance. Rebecca made quick work of the lock, and Harris sprinted through the door. He completely ignored the fighters around him as he honed in on one man. The man seemed to be the same as everyone else, save for one key difference: a hammer. While the rest of his team took care of the fighters around him, Harris shouted out, "YO, HAMMER BITCH! SUCK MY SWORD!" The hammer wielder turned to be greeted with decapitation. Harris quickly grabbed the hammer and strapped it to his side.

Soon after, the right flank broke through the door. As Harris saw Frederick, he unlatched the hammer and called out, "Frederick! I have a hammer for you to use on their commander! Catch!" Harris tossed the hammer towards Frederick. The knight had only started to look in his direction, to be meet with the side of a hammer to the face. The knight grunted and slumped forward on his horse, a dazed look in his eye.

Quintin suppressed a laugh as he picked up the hammer, "Smooth move there Harris, you just incapacitated your personal battle maid."

"Oh my gods that just happened. Excuse me as I go disembowel myself in shame."

Rebecca released a giggle as she approached and saw a dazed Frederick. "Wow, didn't know a simple slab of metal could knock someone of his caliber out so easily. It's like he's allergic to that weapon."

Quintin winced, "You don't know the half of it Rebecca."

Rami's surrender could be heard in the distance, causing the three to look towards the main door. Stahl waved the three over as Chrom and Rami entered the building. Rebecca turned to Harris still with a grin on her face, "You know, you have to carry the Fred-Bear inside now."

"...'Fred-Bear'?"

"... Fred-Bear. Now get carrying! We don't want to leave him in the cold now do we?"

"...*sigh* Frederick, I'm so sorry about this."

Frederick perked up and proudly announced, "It has been three months since milord has had to step on a pebble!"

Quintin stared toward the man, "Harris, usually people break before they buy. Now let's get this dragging over with."

"... just from looking at him, I can tell he _has_ to weigh at least 280 pounds. This is going to be a nightmare."

The two struggled to drag the man through the door into Feroxi followed by Rebecca. She closed the door behind her, and looked forward to see a grand throne room.

**A/N: Q: Man, it has been a **_**long**_ **week, huh? Feels like we are in May already, huh?**

**H: Yeah, this week just dragged **_**on and on and on**_**. If I didn't know any better, I'd almost say that it's been a **_**whole month**_ **since we last wrote. But that's impossible right? We said weekly chapters right? **_**There's no way we could have possibly done other things for A WHOLE FUCKING MONTH RIGHT?!**_

**Q: *ahem* So yeah. It's been quite the month. To make it short: RIP in peace my life for a while. But now, oh now, we can go back to tearing it up. **

**H: Now that it's late May, school will be letting out soon, and we'll be able to write quite a bit more often now, as long as life doesn't rear it's ugly head and bite our asses. But, as an apology for us being fucktards and not allocating time for writing, enjoy this dank ass DOUBLE UPDATE :D**

**Q: ...Probably within a few days. I want to get **_**this**_ **chapter out as quickly as possible, so I'm going to post it quickly. This means that we **_**may**_ **not have enough time to crank out a second chapter right away (our 'quality' takes some time, plus I'm still getting back into the flow of ideas). Also: expect a kinda side~ish chapter around June 9. I wanted to be a little further into the story before that date, but I was an idiot and experienced life. Oh well. It'll still be great (or as great as I can muster). Any last words Harris?**

**H: Only one thing. I want to recommend some fics to y'all. This week I bring you a Naruto fic titled "I Am NOT Going Through Puberty Again!" by EvilFuzzy9 (/s/10857388/) This story is set post-epilogue, with Team 7, minus Kakashi &amp; Sai, being sent back in time to a little bit before the Chunin exams. I can't go very in-depth without spoiling things, but it's easily one of the funniest things I've read in recent weeks.**

**Q: Another thing I forgot to mention: while some pairings are **_**fully**_ **planned, I kinda want to see what you guys think of the 'best pairings'. So send me a message if you think you want to see my take on some pairing in our story, and if both people are available, I can look further into it. (Btw the three of us are fully planned, and I don't see any of us changing, it took us three tries to get Rebecca the perfect match.) Anyway, enjoy what other things you may do after this, and goodbye.**

**H: Sayonara!**


	6. Recreational Rescues

In the center of the throne room stood Chrom, Robin, Lissa, and an unknown woman. The woman carried a certain power to her that seemed to loom over the rest of the group. As Rebecca approached the group, she heard Chrom and the mystery woman discussing politics. After some butchered political discussion from Chrom, the woman barked out a hearty laugh and boomed, "Please, speak casually here. We Feroxi enjoy speaking plainly in all environments."

Chrom visibly relaxed and let out, "Then get a hold on that damn border patrol. What kinda jackass just attacks a random group talking as politely as possible to them. _I could've died. You would've started another bloody war. What the hell, Flavia?_"

Flavia merely shrugged her shoulders, "You didn't die, we didn't start a war, and we are facing a brigand problem right now. There's an odd amount of people that are trying to pose as you right now, just a warning. Speaking of almost dying though, how about the champion proposition?"

Rebecca jolted back into attention and raised a finger, "Quick question, what champion proposition?"

"Well girl, to give you troops, I need power of my country."

"Still a stupid system," Chrom muttered.

"Shut up Chrom. Anyway, to gain power I need to win our arena battle. As myself and my competitor can't risk our own necks, we send other pawns- I mean great warriors instead."

"So we are to be those pawns?"

"Smart girl."

"Right. I'm just gonna go train then, since _someone_ knocked out our killing force." Rebecca turned around, and walked out of the room into a separate hallway.

After walking around for some time, she finally sighed and leaned on a wall. "Damn, I probably should've asked for directions to the training grounds." Rebecca looked around to find any person, before spotting some motion in a doorway. She quickly sprung up and shouted, "Hey wait! Come back here! I don't want to kill you, promise!"

Whoever Rebecca followed apparently didn't think too far ahead. As soon as she entered the door, she could see the person cowering in the corner. Rebecca quickly made her way to the person, who turned out to be a young woman. "Hey now, why are you cowering? I told you, I don't want to kill you!"

"I-I-I'm sorry, I was just startled when you looked my way. I didn't want you t-to feel creeped out by me. I'm, I'm just so sorry." The girl put her head down and blushed profusely.

Rebecca blinked and just sat there. After some time, she finally managed to get out, "It's ok? I think? I'm still not entirely sure why you are apologizing to me. Anyway, I'm Rebecca, what's your name?"

The woman in question looked up slightly before muttering out, "I'm Olivia."

"Great to meet you Olivia! Now, could you help me with a little problem I have? I'm looking for the training area, and I'm incredibly lost."

Olivia perked up and excitedly said, "I can show you where! About time I did something useful for once!"

"I feel like you say that a lot."

"Say what?"

"Don't worry about it, let's head off." The two, with Olivia in the lead, went off to the training grounds, chattering away.

* * *

_Meanwhile…_

"_Holy shit this man is heavy."_

Harris and Quintin were struggling to pull the still incapacitated Frederick along the floor to the medical bay. Suddenly, Harris dropped Frederick and simply said, "Quintin. Stop."

"What?"

"Why don't we just… walk to the medbay and rescue him there?"

"... Naga damn it. I have those, don't I? Why couldn't you remember this earlier?"

"Because the chapter ended."

"Didn't we say we weren't in some crappy fanfic?"

"Yeah. We aren't. We're in a _great_ fanfic. It's the only logical explanation."

"Whatever, let's just go." Walking the distance to the medical bay, and feeling _substantially_ better about it, Quintin started rummaging through his bag to pull out a staff. "You know, I really need to start training with axes."

"Dude, we're at chapter four. It's not time yet. If anything, I'm the one that should be training with axes, since I was a hero at this point."

"You're also a grind-heavy idiot. I just felt stupid useless while I was back there, with _no one _ needing healed or rescued."

"Just spend more time going over your little not-rescue thing you've theorized doing to hostiles. That'll make you best cleric."

"Yeah see I was just saying that. I'm pretty sure it's _impossible_ to do anything like that. That just breaks the entire point of the staff."

"Well, we can test it. All we have to do is piss Becca off enough to where she's attempting to at least maim me, and then attempt to rescue her. The sheer malice flying off her should mark her as a hostile."

"Or, or, now follow me here, we _don't_ do that and we let me find out on my own time."

"But Quintin, Salty Becca is the best Becca. We should take every chance we get to make her at least miffed."

"As great of an idea as that sounds, I'm going to have to pass you up on that offer. Anyways, let's get the big bloke onto a bed." Quintin waved his staff around in the middle of the medical room. Soon after, Frederick plopped down on the nearest open bed. Quintin looked to the two medics in the room, "This guy got hit in the face with a hammer, take care of him would you?"

As the two were making their way out of the room, Chrom walked in. "Ah, I see the battle maid is recovering well. I need you two to join in the arena tomorrow with me."

Quintin raised a brow, "Why exactly do you need us two? I figured you'd have more capable warriors."

"Well, you two are on an even playing field with everyone else it seems, and I don't know of any other people I'd want to send out. Nothing personal Quintin, but we need a healer and I'll be _damned_ if I let my sister fight in that mess. Harris, this is more punishment for knocking out Frederick."

"Punishment? I'd love to go a round with L-Marth. Fun fact, it's _real_ easy to get that dude flabbergasted."

Quintin pinched the bridge of his nose, "Smooth Harris, real smooth. Plus, why did you bring up Marth? He isn't the champion right now, I heard it's some guy named Lon'qu."

Chrom looked to Harris, "Marth is supposed to be here? Huh. I'd like to go a round with him too. I didn't get to see his style back when he gave us you three."

"He's a real talented kid Chrom. Before we joined up with you guys way back when, he saved us from a horde of risen. Kid took them all down alone before we even got the chance to ready our weapons. Fights a bit like you, now that I think about it, except with fewer destroyed walls."

"I have no idea what you are talking about. Oh look at the time, I really must go tell the others they are fighting and talk tactics. Goodbye!" Chrom hurried out of the room.

"So Harris, you should probably go train, and I should probably go make sure you don't hurt yourself. Or I might let you, it'll give me some staff training."

"Sounds like a plan. I think I'll do endurance training. How's 'stealing Rebecca's unmentionables and running from the knives' sound for a regimen?"

"Or how about we go strike down a bunch of test dummies instead and _not _threaten our lives?"

"Man, you're no fun."

"I also enjoy living a little. I kinda want to see who your waifu ends up being."

"'Waifu.' I doubt I'll even have one. You know my luck. I just asked Lucy about the kids to see if you ended up in the threesome."

"With who exactly?"

"With Naga and Tiki of course."

"Why would you ever imply that?"

"Dude, I can cut the sexual tension between you two with a knife. I have money riding on you two banging within the year."

"When have you ever seen tension? Who are you betting with? _How do they know?_"

"Fun fact: all people who come in contact with beings of higher power have some form of link made with them. My link is a sort of one-way comm channel with our dear dragon. I've seen most of your talks, except all I got was some indistinct colours and sounds before I realised what I was seeing/sensing, and it got clearer after that. In regards to the 'who' portion of that question, well, let's just say that I've seen some shit, and leave it at that. There are more people than just Naga who have large amounts of power in this realm, far more."

"... Weren't we talking about _your_ waifu here?"

"Yeah, but there's no way in hell i'm ending up with a low-rank divine power like you are. Your love life is _far_ more interesting."

"My love life is also nothing but a figment of your crazed mind."

"Keep denying it champ, doesn't make it any less true. Also, I call dibs on being your kid's Godparent."

"Going by your logic, the child will already have a god for a parent."

"...I'll concede that one. Fine, I call dibs on being the legal guardian appointed by the parents in the event of the parent's deaths."

The two finally walked into the training area. The area was a simple open courtyard with training dummies littered throughout. Harris pulled out his sword to get ready before Quintin held up a hand, "Harris I have a most wonderous idea."

"Yes, my dear companion?"

"It one thing to strike a dummy," Quintin whipped out a rescue staff, "but what about a moving target?"

"I like the way you think."

With a nod, Quintin started teleporting the dummy around Harris as he tried to swipe at it. After many failed attempts, Harris smashed down with a loud cry, shattering it entirely.

"Naga damn it Harris, it's hard to connect to one of those. Now I have to put in _more_ effort."

"Forget that dude, did you see how hard I hit that thing? Imagine if I trained like Chrom does. We'd level the palace in a friggin' spar!"

"You also don't have a sword like his, you would break your sword almost instantly."

"I can get one. You're getting with a god, you can hook me up."

"Not getting with- whatever. Let's keep training."

"Fine. If you don't wanna give your best pal a cool sword, I'll get one of my gambling buddies in the dimensional rift to hook me up."

A small portal opened up, and a wrapped parcel plopped down at Harris' feet. A note was attached to the package that read, "For Harris, with love from Masakado 3"

"_See?! I fucking told you they were real!"_

"I'll believe it when I see it. Open it up."

Harris hurriedly opened the package, revealing yet another wrapped package. Harris groaned, then proceeded to open the second package. In _that_ package, an oddly long bokken rested. Harris stared at the bokken for a few moments, before slowly turning his head towards the sky with a glare..

"Oh hardy-fucking-har. Yes Masakado, I get it. I get the fuckin' reference. You're the funniest little earth spirit to ever exist. I hope you're proud of yourself."

"RIght, if you are done with your new legendary sword there, shouldn't we keep going?"

"Yeah, yeah, let's go. I'm sure this sword actually is enchanted with something, as Masakado isn't a _complete_ douche, and actually helps people, _unlike other divines I know *cough*Baal*cough*_"

"What are you two babbling about now?" Rebecca strode into the room with a cowering Olivia behind her.

"Ayyy, if it isn't everyone's favorite klepto and the love of my life, Rebecca. Oh, and the cutest pinkette i've ever seen in my life."

"Please Harris, I know I'm the best, but love? Really? You must've _really_ fallen for me back on the first day. And this is Olivia." Rebecca waved her hand towards the dancer, who stood blushing.

"H-H-Hello, good sirs. I hope I'm not intruding."

"No, you're fine. Quintin here was just helping me train, and then some magic shenanigans happened, it was a thing. We're mostly done now."

"Ah, so you two got suckered into the arena match, huh? It's really going to be a slashing good time. I myself volunteered, can't wait to knock some heads."

"Rebecca. I love you and all, but seriously. I can only take so much. I _will_ injure you significantly if the knife puns get too bad."

"Any chance it'll make you stop loving me?"

"Nope. I'm here to stay. Better get used to it."

"Damn. Well, if you don't mind, I'm going to get training for this slaughter fest."

"Alright, you guys stick to that half of the field, don't want you getting injured in the shenanigans that are about to occur."

"Actually Harris, I'm feeling a little woosy. I'm starting to see how to paint with all the colors of the wind."

"...was that a fucking Pocahontas reference?"

"No time talk, seeing the vibrations come from your mouth. I'm just gonna go sleep now." Immediately Quintin plopped down and passed out.

"Huh. Note to self: rescue stave overuse causes hallucinogenic effects. *_gasp* I need to go find Lissa and have her help me train._"

"Shouldn't you get help for Quintin there?"

"Eh, when I bring Lissa over here she can do it."

"Just don't get your shenanigans in the way, I'd like to live through this."

* * *

"...well. That happened."

Rebecca stood glossy eyed, "Never again. Whatever you did to Quintin, just never again."

Lissa stood closer to Rebecca, with a deep blush still on her face, "Never have I heard such a statement. What happened to his head?"

"Turns out rescue stave overuse causes the wielder to experience significant hallucinogenic effects. It would seem that Quintin was still in a bit of a daze after he passed out."

Miriel popped out from behind one of the dummies scribbling into a notebook, "Fascinating, we must commit further tests to look into this."

"I agree fully. Hey Lissa, grab Quintin's bag."

"Miriel, when exactly did you get here?" Rebecca looked quizzically towards to mage, who was still feverishly recording notes.

"I've been here ever since those two came, I found it fascinating at how Quintin was able to move an object so freely, but it appears to come at quite the cost."

"Yes yes lovely, science and all that jazz. I for one think we should all go to sleep to prepare for the match. It's getting late, and that passed out one is our only healer during that time. Let's make sure he is capable of standing. Come on, Olivia." Rebecca swiftly turned around and headed out of the area, with the dancer in tow.

"I concur, one must be sure to acquire adequate sleep before any physical endeavor. I shall calculate if the odds of our group winning is high, and give you the report tomorrow. Good night."

"G'night Miriel."

* * *

The chosen six of Robin, Chrom, Quintin, Harris, Rebecca, and Miriel stood waiting in the arena. Chrom looked out to the other side to view his opponent. His eyes suddenly bulged and he quickly turned to Harris, "Isn't that-"

"Called it blue-boy. Hey! Hey Marth! Hey! Look over here! Hey Marth! Look over here! Hey Marth, you should - "

"WHAT?!"

**A/N: Q: Hey look, I actually followed a timeframe I said! What a time to be alive. **

**H: Note to all, the only reason he did was because I got overly pissed at Bloodborne and demanded distraction in the form of storytiem[sic].**

**Q: It still counts. I'm saying it right now, still counts. Anyway, since I posted but days ago, there's nothing too much to tell you. Expect the next chapter within roughly a week, depending on when things line up(mostly when I feel inspiration for yet **_**another**_ **fight scene, those things really kill me). **

**H: No Quintin, they kill our enemies. We won't die. We're the main characters. **_**You can't just kill us off like that.**_

**Q: Bad jokes aside, bye everybody!**

**H:No fanfic recs because this chapter comes out like three days after the last one! Ja ne!**


	7. A Pot Head

Marth glared angrily at Harris, who responded with a grin, "Hey Blue Boy Jr. Been awhile, huh?"

"Yes it has good sir. I'm glad to see that you were successful in joining with Chrom. However, you will still fall here."

"Not while I stand! Harris, with me! We shall take on Marth." Chrom sprinted towards the masked swordsman with a fierceness in his eyes.

"Oh hell yes!"

Robin groaned and pinched his nose, "Why do I even talk to the guy about tactics? He just sees some big, bad enemy and thinks, 'Chrom no like, Chrom smash!' Whatever, plan B it is. Miriel and Rebecca, take care of the right side, and be wary of the knight. Quintin, follow me, we have the left. Break!"

The group split and began work on the Feroxi. Miriel and Rebecca created a fierce duo, causing hope to drain from the opposition. The axeman that foolishly charged Rebecca was meet with a single blade strike. The knight that lumbered over to Miriel quickly realized how little resistance he had as he took a fireball to the chest.

Robin, sporting his sword and thunder tome, was a machine. He deflected any strikes the axeman brought, while also keeping a knight at a distance. Slowly he wore his enemies down and finished both up with a magnificent bolt of thunder.

As both teams finished, they looked towards the three swordspeople. Chrom and Harris were both trying to brute force their way through Marth's guard, and neither were coming close to succeeding. Attack after attack, and Marth was still merely dodging or blocking. After considerable time, Chrom jumped back and planted his sword firmly. Locking eyes with Marth, he pulled his sword out of the floor and a bright flash emitted from his torso, "Now I'm angry!" Chrom dashed forward, landing a hefty blow on Marth, knocking him out. The lord stuck his chest out triumphantly, "So I'm the better swordsman here, huh Harris?"

"Yes, believe it or not, the 19-year-old formally trained _Descendant of the Hero-King Marth_ is better than a merc. Although, I'd like to point out that I held my own fairly well. Maybe if I'd actually get some formal training I'd be able to give you a run for your money."

"Heh, cool. I'm stronger than a guy from the Outrealms. Sister is going to be so proud.

"_An_ Outrealm. Not _the_ Outrealms, _an_ outrealm. There are an infinite amount of Outrealms, and there are people much, _much_ stronger than all of us combined. So don't get a swollen head over this Chrom, I wouldn't want you getting killed because you decided to jump to a realm way out of our league."

"Jump into a realm? How? It's not like there are any open gates around here."

"...There's an Outrealm gate due South of Southtown. It's massive. How've you not been notified about this? Just ask Emm when we get back to Ylisse. There's no way she doesn't know."

"What? There's one by Southtown? No way, I'm going to have to look into thi-"

"Great fighting, my boy!" Flavia called out as she strode down to the reassembled fighters. Walking with her was a hulking brute of a man, who seemed to be defeated. When the two reached the six Shepherds, Flavia slapped the man on the back, "You even managed to get this big oaf off of the throne for me. It's about time I held power again."

The man grunted, "I don't think it's quite fair to use royalty from other countries in our tournament."

Harris quickly snorted and mumbled, "...Hypocrite."

"Name's Basillio by the way, and as Flavia said I'm the one you removed from power. Maybe it's better this way, I'll finally get a break. It feels like the right time to hand the throne over too, with us aiding you in a war and all. Regardless, meet Lon'qu. He's my contribution to your sheep-herders or whatever you call them." Basillio directed the group's attention to a tall, menacing man.

"Greetings, I take you are my new commander now?"

"If you're ok with that, I wouldn't want my Shepherds to have any forced recruits."

"I think my position is clear, you give out orders and I stab people. There's no real need for 'a say in this.'"

"Very well, welcome to the Shepherds."

Basillio let out a booming guffaw, "Now that everything is in order, let's celebrate!"

The Feroxi and Shepherds partied the night away, until all had went to their beds, or passed out in the main room. In the morning, the Shepherds set for Ylisse to deliver news of the alliance.

* * *

After a few hours had passed, Quintin fell into step with Chrom, "So, did you hear about the recent opening of an Outrealm gate? They say it opened near Southtown."

Chrom's eyes widened, "A gate by Southtown you say? Harris! Where are you? Get up here!"

"I've been like two steps behind you for the past half-hour Chrom."

"Good! Now, how did you know about that gate? Quintin here told me it just opened!"

"Don't question it Blue-Boy Sr. Just roll with it. It'll keep you sane."

"I can vouch for that, Harris here really is just a mad-man."

"A _dashingly handsome_ mad-man."

Chrom looked from Quintin to Harris and back, "You two, we really shouldn't allow you two to be together. I can only imagine the absolute hell it will bring in the future."

"Now you are in the spirit Chrom, foreshadowing things! You are turning into a real Harris right there!"

Chrom groaned and sunk his head down, "Why did I hire you two again?"

"You know Chrom, if you say that too much it'll become a stale line."

"Shush now Quintin. Hey Frederick, how soon unti-"

"Someone! Please! Help me!" A young man wearing a pot on his head sprinted up to the party panting.

Chrom rested a hand on the young man's shoulder, "Woah, easy there friend. Calm down and tell us what happened."

"Ah! Milord! Your Sirliness! Your Magistiness! Your Royal-"

"Kid. Enough. I _will_ stab you if you don't stop.''

"Harris, please. Young man, what is your name."

"Donnel, Donnel Tinhead. Some call me Donny."

"Well then, Donny, why don't you tell me what's going on?"

"W-well. Some bandits raided the village. Those they didn' kill they just up an took 'em!"

Chrom's face darkened, "And do you know where they are?"

"Yessir! I saw the direction they went and I know there's some ol' ruins there to camp out."

"Alright, thank you. Shepherds! We're going on a bit of a detour!"

* * *

The light of the sun was finally fading before the Shepherds stopped. Chrom held a stern look as he surveyed the area in front of him, "Donny, is this the place?"

"These are the ruins, your Lordliness."

"Right, Robin! Where are you? We need to discuss a plan."

"What? So you can ignore it within the first minute of battle? Come on, I have it started already."

"How? We actually just got here."

"... Tactics!"

Not long after starting, Robin and Chrom had developed a plan of attack. Robin gathered the attention of the Shepherds and announced, "Alright guys! Simple plan here! We entirely out number them, and they won't be nearly as skilled as the Feroxi. Simply put: we go in, cut everyone up, get out. From what I've seen there are a few chests we might be able to make use of."

"Robin, I sense a fatal flaw in this plan."

"What is it?"

"_Miriel can't cut things._"

"Attention everyone! Harris has volunteered to be a part of the _highly dangerous_ looting team! Claps all around! Rebecca and Quintin, why don't you back him up? We'll need a locksmith for the chests and heals for his sorry ass."

"Woo-hoo! Extra killing! Let's go losers!"

After some additional instructions, the group set out to the battlefield. Before the encounter, however, Chrom called out to Donny, "Donny, are you not fighting in this battle?"

"Well your grand highliness, I'm just a simple villager."

"Nonsense! Grab a lance, that's close enough to a pitchfork, I'd imagine!"

"Well alright, if your sir highestne-"

"Donny! Chrom is enough! Please!"

"Alright, C-c-chrom!"

"Everyone, to position! Attack!"

As the Shepherds caught the attention of the bandits, the loot team went out around the edge of the ruins. Narrowly avoiding the attention of a few stragglers, and a few dead bodies, the group managed to get to the door. Rebecca went to the door, and with a simple flick of the wrist, opened the door, "Heh, amateurs. They don't even have a six-pin lock. Harris, here's a key I looted off of one of your kills. Take the far chest."

"Aight"

The two went to unlocking the chests, while Quintin searched the rest of the room. Most of the room held nothing of interest, except for a slight mound hanging on the wall. He looked towards the draping fabric and quickly moved towards it. He was right next to it before thinking out loud, "I think I remember something in this room other than those two chests, but I can't remem-"

As Quintin was finishing his sentence, an archer sprang out from behind the fabric, "Surprise!"

"HOLY SHIT!" Quintin instinctively struck out with his staff, making contact with the archer's head. The man grunted and fell to the floor, unconscious. Looking around, Quintin decided to call out to the team, "Harris, Rebecca, where are you two? I almost died because of your negligence."

"Oh, you know, just over here making out in the corner."

Quickly Rebecca slapped Harris in the back of the head, "Shut up. What do you mean you almost died? Died to what?"

Quintin pointed to the unconscious archer, who was bleeding from the head, "Died from that."

"Nice job support, it might be time to start your axe training."

"Well, I do still have the hammer you knocked Frederick out with."

"_Gods damn it that was an accident."_

"Hey you two, shouldn't we get this Naginata back to the others? Oh yeah, Quintin, here's another rescue."

"Ah yeah, teleport get!"

Quintin stashed the rescue in his magical back of wonders, and the three made their way back on the battlefield. The scene consisted mostly of the Shepherds chasing the now cowering bandits. Shaking his head, Quintin directed attention to a pathway leading away from the open area, "Come on, let's go finish this up. I'm sure that if we finish the commander the bandits will scatter for good."

The path was surprisingly clear of bandits for being a direct pathway to the leader. Once the three reached the leader, they found out why. Locked in heated combat was Chrom, Donny, and the bandit leader. All Donny was really accomplishing was a few quick jabs every now and again, nothing to really take notice of. Chrom had fire in his eyes as he struck hard and fast against the leader. A deflected strike caused an entire wall to collapse, and the leader to grimace in pain. Chrom took that opportunity to strike, cleanly cutting the man in half. After the battle was finished, Chrom pulled a simple cloth and started to wipe down Falchion mumbling, "The dastard's dead."

The Shepherds rested for the night in the village, and left in the morning. As the group was leaving, Donny rushed up to Chrom, "Chrom! I want to join the Shepherds! You were right, lances aren't that different from pitchforks, and I want to help the lord in anyway possible!"

"Alright Donny, welcome to the Shepherds."

"Yeehaw! What a birthday!"

Finally, the Shepherds left for the capital with no other problems.

**A/N: **

**Q: We finally acknowledged a birthday! Yay! I was planning on putting the last chapter for Chrom's birthday, but I unfortunately wasn't able to finish in time. Announcement time: Mark your calendars. Clear your schedules. GET READY FOR THIS. Announcing the SUPER AMAZING SELF-BIRTHDAY PRESENT EXTRAVAGANZA! (I couldn't actually tell you what it is, that wouldn't be as fun) **

**H: ~15k word chapter.**

**Q: Now let's not promise that. But this will definitely be **_**the single greatest chapter we have written to date.**_

**H: While I don't want to say much due to what we have planned being **_**awesome**_**, I can promise it'll be a bit… trippy.**

**Q: June 9. Expect it. It will be our treasure. That aside, I will take this time to thank a reviewer I never did thank before. **

**To Slulldom: I am glad you are enjoying the characters. To your first sentence, never before have I read a more perfect of description of my work. 10/10 for you man. That's all I have for now, Harris?**

**H: **_**Our**_ **work. A perfect description for **_**our**_ **work. That aside, thank you sincerely for your compliments on our story.**

**Q: That's all folks, see ya! (and get super pumped for JUNE 9 SUCKERS)**

**H: Ja ne. **


	8. SUPER AMAZING OUTREALM ADVENTURE XTREME

"Please Chrom. We are only planning a course of action right now, and I really want to go."

"Quintin, we can't just have you going to the Outrealms with no one to watch your back. You've only just starting to train with axes."

"I'll take Harris. He'll make sure I don't die."

"Why do you even want to go so badly?"

"I heard legends of great warriors not unlike the Shepherds here. I was wondering if I could learn from them."

"I don't know about this."

"Chrom. It's my birthday. This is all I ask of you today."

"Wh-what? It's your birthday?"

"Heh, yeah, surprise. So will you let me go?"

"Fine. Just take Harris with you."

"Yay! We'll be back by tomorrow, I swear. Bye Chrom!"

"Yeah, see you."

Quintin ran out of Chrom's office with the excitement of a young child. After he learned what time of the year it was, he planned a grand Outrealm adventure. Today, being his birthday, was the day that plan could come into effect. There was some tricky business, such as tampering with Frederick's work schedule and a couple of bribes to Lissa to cancel staff training, but eventually Quintin was able to free himself all day.

After some running, Quintin reached the door to the shared room of himself, Harris, and Robin. Unable to slow down in time, Quintin burst through the door and fell onto the ground. Slowly, Quintin rose and dusted himself off before proudly announcing, "Harris, pack your bags! We are going on a great adventure!"

"Wazzat?"

"Harris, get up. We are going on such a quest the bards won't be able to fathom how great of an adventure we had."

"...but I'm tired."

"Not today!"

"...fine."

"Yay! Meet me at the entrance when you are all ready to go."

"Ok, I'll meet you there. Just give me a few… minutes… to… zzz"

"Sigh… I hoped it wouldn't come to this, but you've left me no choice." Quintin pulled a staff from his pack and held it above his head. Conjuring the standard green light, Harris was enveloped and sent directly to the left. Without the support of the bed, Harris feel in an ever graceful manor.

"Mmph. You think you've won Quintin, but unbeknownst to you, I'm the regional champion of falling asleep wherever I feel like."

"If you don't get up I'm going to get Vaike."

"And what's he going to do? Be a douchebag in my general direction?"

"Exactly. Might even have Sully along too. They can get in a good ol' discussion."

"I'll cut them. I swear. I'm too tired for their shit. I'll fucking end them, Shepherd status be damned."

"BITCH IF YOU DON'T GET UP YOU AREN'T GOING TO THE OUTREALMS! I'LL JUST TAKE KELLAM WITH ME!"

"Mmph. Fine."

"Fantastic, let's head out."

* * *

The two set off to the recently discovered gate. The trip was not long, and the two managed to get to the gate before noon. As the two approached, an energetic woman with red hair sprang out of nowhere, "Hello! Care to travel to the mystical Outrealms?"

"How about the average Outrealms? Or even the calming, suburbian Outrealms? Ooh, how about an Outrealm made of beds. That sounds fun."

"Ignore the asleep man. I just want to travel somewhere. I wasn't quite sure where to go, what do you suggest?"

"Well good sir, I hear there's a wonderful realm known as 'Apotheosis' if you are so interested. Care to go?"

Quintin stood staring with wide eyes before finally stammering out, "No, no. Never. Just, never. I'm not so sure. Naga, I should've planned this out."

"_Don't be calling out to me for no reason, I'm a busy dragon here._"

Quintin sprang up roughly two feet into the air at the sound of Naga's voice, "HOLY SHIT WHAT WAS THAT?!"

"_I finally found the link so I can talk with you while you are awake. Nifty, huh?"_

"Harris, can you hear this too?"

"_Don't just ignore me._"

"Sorta. I just get her end, and I can't reply, so speak instead of think so I can cut in and talk too."

"I've been speaking this whole time?"

"_Hold on, I'll get him linked. Just a moment… ah. There we go. Testing, testing. Can you hear me?_"

"What? Testosterone? How is that relevant?"

"_Please tell me you are just being an idiot. I don't see anything wrong on my end._"

"Harris does tend to do that."

"I legitimately heard testosterone. I think one of my gambling buddies was messing with the link."

"_Was it one of the Ki's?_"

"Pfft. No. They barely have enough strength to manifest there. The only one who has enough power to even interact with objects up there is Ongyo-Ki, and he can't even do it for that long. I'm thinking it was Kinmamon. Ole Orb-face is getting a bit… _weird_ in the time he's been around."

"_Well, I heard that all perfectly, and you answered a question. I'd say we are good. Anyway, wait here you two. I'm going to set up a real birthday surprise for you Quintin, let me go talk to Anna._"

The red haired woman screamed and jumped in a fashion similar to Quintin, "Who is this? Right. Ok. It's a pleasure. Yep. I can definitely set that up! Alright you two, Naga has guided you I guess. She told me where you should go. Tell Anna that I said hi, OFF YOU GO!"

Anna pushed Harris and Quintin into the gate. For a few moments the two felt to be spiraling around. Purples, greens, and yellows flashed all around. Just when the two were adjusting to the spinning, they plopped onto the ground. "_Well, here we are. I don't actually know which one she sent us to first. Just turn around to see the castle there, walk in, and we'll find out soon enough._"

The turned around to indeed behold a castle looming over them. After a look towards each other, they nooded and walked towards the structure. Quintin hushed into a whisper as he leaned towards Harris, "I think Naga is going a little insane. Just dropping us into a random castle like this? Who does that?"

"You've obviously never interacted with deities before. They do this shit all the time."

"_Hey you two do know I can hear you no matter how quiet you are, right?_"

"Implying I was trying to hide it."

"Hush you two, we're at the gate."

As the two approached, a guardsman called out, "Let them through, it is the grandmaster's ally, Quintin."

Quintin stopped for a moment in shock, "Grandmaster's ally? Harris, did we meet a grandmaster on our way to the gate? I don't remember one."

"It's best not to question it Quintin, not when there's a divine involved."

"Whatever, let's milk this shall we?" Quintin shifted his attention up to the gatekeeper, "Where may I find the grandmaster today?"

"As usual he's probably in his office or out in the garden. Same as every time you ask, Quintin."

"Thank you sir, have a good day."

"_Played that one like a pro._"

"Shut up Naga. Hey Harris, do you think this is just an alternate Ylisse? I fully recognize that gate guy, and we _are_ going to see a grandmaster. Who else has one of those?"

"Technically Plegia does. This could be an alternate Ylisse where Plegia won and took over Ylisse and put Not-Grima in charge."

"What a joy that would be, just great. Let's go find out, eh?"

The two roamed the castle, with Quintin being greeted warmly by every servant that passed. After some time of meandering down the halls, Harris spotted a simple wooden door with a plaque that read, 'Grandmaster's Office'.

"Oi. Ginger. Look left."

"Ginger? Oh yeah, I am that now aren't I? Anyway what's over to the le- ayyyy, it's the door."

Quintin strode over and knocked, and received a faint, "It's open" in response. He turned his head to Harris and opened the door, "Shall we?"

"Lead on, oh fearless MC."

Quintin went into the room, and was greeted with a room filled with books. Some piles reached the ceiling, while others formed their own mountain to cross. Sitting in the opposite side of the room was a man reading. He had short, brown, unkempt hair. He closed his booked and looked up with a pleasant smile, "Ah, Quintin. I did not know you were coming today. I would've met you in garden so you would not have to dealt with my office. This place truly is a mess, but it's for another time, eh? Come, let's go to the garden and we can talk."

"What am I, chopped liver?"

"Holy shit, _MATT?!_"

"Why hello sir, I did not see you behind the stack of books. My apologies. Quintin, why are you so startled? Is something wrong?"

"Ah… no. Nothing's wrong. Just travelling a bit and didn't expect to find you."

"Oh good, I thought we had to go help some weakling find their true love again. I don't know how we keep getting suckered into those jobs. It's almost as if someone is systematically plotting to show every romance possible."

"Woah, woah. Let's not get ahead of ourselves there, Matt. Who would ever do such a weird thing? Right, Harris?"

"...Yeah. Right. Only weirdos would do something like that."

The group walked through the halls mostly making small talk before finally reaching the garden. Matt opened the door and motioned for the other two to go out. Matt lead them further into the garden before finally arriving at a small table with four chairs. He motioned to sit, and moved to the farthest chair, "So Quintin, why exactly are you a cleric right now? I thought you were at a high enough point to go straight to war monk. What happened?"

"Uhh… I'm going for Miracle? Yeah, going for that."

"Right, so who is your new friend here? Are we going to be seeing more of him in the lover's express?"

"'Lover's Express'? Your alternate self is a loser man."

"Well you are pleasant to talk to."

Quintin quickly stood up with a panicked look, "Well, this has been _swell_, but I fear we must be going. I have some important business that has suddenly come up! Shall we be going Harris?"

"Sure."

Matt stood and bowed, "Well it's been a pleasure for your short stay. I'll be seeing you two later."

Quintin and Harris left the castle before saying another word. Once there was quite some distance between them and the castle Quintin turned to Harris, "Well he seemed nice."

"Yep. A bit too formal to be you, but still pretty close."

"I'm a little surprised we didn't see Tharja at all. Seems odd that she would just let us be with her husband."

"No, she was there. Remember that bookcase about two meters to his left and three behind? She was on the top shelf."

"Well spotted. I was a little baffled to meet myself, in male form. I've meet myself too many times in the same year."

"You're taking this rather well Quintin, meeting another of your avatars and all. And how'd he know 'Quintin'? They're from completely different profiles, and Quintin came after Matt, so you can't even use the argument that you were summoned from the logbook either."

"From what he said, it seems that he recognizes when he is summoned to another world. He mentioned helping another find their love, which means that he knows about me summoning past Avatars to blaze through the story until I get to the needed character. I definitely have summoned the two in the same profile at least three times. That's all I can think of."

"I know you seem to be the focus of this little shindig, but I kind of hope for some of my guys to show up. It'd be nice to see if Vilkas' hair actually is as greasy as I'd imagined it, or if that's just a trick of the lighting engine."

"I don't even know if we are seeing more of my people, care to tell Naga?"

"_Just you wait kids, I have great plans for you two. Just walk through the gate that has conveniently opened behind you._"

As Naga said, and gate opened up behind Quintin and Harris. The familiar Anna stood in front of the gate with a bright smile, "Hello gents! Ready for the next stop? I'll even throw in free travel fairs!"

"Harris, what did you do to cause the wrath of Naga upon us?"

"I'd say it was the umpteen thousand SMT IV references that somehow became reality."

"Point taken. Shall we?"

"Lets."

Both took a deep breath, and walked in. Similar to the last time, swirling colors and various noises surrounded the two for a few minutes, until eventually plopping down onto the grass, "You know Harris, maybe we should talk to Anna about some better traveling conditions. I'm even willing to pay major gold for that."

"I'd be fine with some peanuts. This isn't that bad of a method of travel."

"How different is it from being rescued? I've never actually experienced it."

"It's actually both better and worse at the same time. Better, because you actually realise what's happening, and it's less disorientating. Worse because of the friggin' colours."

"Swell. Naga, where are we now?"

"_Why must you question everything I do? I'm just trying to give you a great birthday, and you are just no fun. Just look behind you._"

"I get the vibe that she's planning to kill us soon Harris."

"So Naga is Yandere. Swell."

"I'm afraid to ask, but who is she crazy about here?'

"We already spent like twenty minutes discussing this Quintin. It's you you fool. It has to be. I have so much Macca riding on this relationship that if you don't get together I'd be forced to flee this plane of existence to escape from the debt collectors."

"... but it's not even _slightly _like that."

"_Eh, I could do worse. I mean, at least he isn't Vaike._"

"You are NOT helping Naga."

"_Oh well, now get going you two. There's someone that'll be just great for you two meet._"

The two turned to see the exact castle they had left. Confused, Quintin called out, "Hey Naga, are you sure that you sent us to the right spot? This is the exact castle that we left."

"_Again with doubting me. Just go in you fools!_"

"Hey Harris, I'm angering a not-god. Neat, huh?"

"Mm-hmm. It's pretty fun when you do that to the ones that like you, since they can't do anything back without injuring you. Anyways, before she decides to smite us, let's go into the castle and see who we're meeting this time."

"Fine."

The gatekeepers responded to the two approaching with a mighty announcement, "Open the gates, Harris has returned from his expedition."

"Harris was out? I don't remember seeing him leave."

"Don't question Harris, Ron, he was obviously out if he is coming back through the gate."

The gate opened to reveal an open courtyard, which had three doors leading into the castle. As The two walked through the courtyard, Quintin spoke up, "Harris, doesn't it strike you as a _little_ odd that they recognized you, and didn't say you were a 'friend' of someone? Could this mean that we are going to see another Harris?"

"Oh I hope so. Ooooh since they let me in unquestioned, does that make me the lord of this castle?! Oh this is gonna be great!"

"Hate to ruin the fun, but this castle seems to be that of Ylisse. You know, that one that we live near and all."

"'Don't question Harris, Ron.' Does that sound like something someone would say if I wasn't hugely important?"

"Remember, Harris was probably tactician for the Shepherds in this world. That holds just a _little_ bit of importance."

"Yeah, true, true."

* * *

The two roamed the halls of the castle looking to find Harris' office. As expected, Harris was greeted by all the servants which served nothing but to impede progress. Finding a bench in the hallway, Quintin sat down, "Boy, you'd really think they would give some directions in a huge castle. Not real user-friendly."

"What, you think this is like a theme park or something? It's a castle. Our Outrealm counterparts have lived here for going on three years now."

"Outrealm counterparts? Harris, what are you talking about? And how's the new guy?" A brown-haired girl sprang from out of nowhere, a questioning look in her eye. Quintin's eye twitched and he mumbled, "Ah shit, spoilers."

"Hey Nah. I'm just discussing a theory I have about the various Outrealms with Quintin here. Say hi Quintin."

"Spoilers."

"I will cut you."

"Hi."

"Much better."

"Yeah, ok. So, when exactly did you start talking with him? I just passed the training room where I heard your… explosive training with Valflame."

As Harris was sweating bullets to form an excuse, Chrom peered around the corner and called out, "Hey Nah, your mother was looking for you. Hi Harris."

"Oh, Hey convenient excu- I mean Chrom."

Nah grumbled, "You win this time, Harris. Some day I will figure this out."

"You keep telling yourself that hatchling."

Harris and Quintin watched as Nah walked off, and Chrom went back through the hall he came from. Quintin launched an attention-grabbing jab into Harris' shoulder, "So, I think we have our lead on where to go to find Harris."

"Seems like it. To the training room! Away!"

The training room was actually just a brief walk down the hallway, and to the left. Neither truly knew where the room was, but the sounds of exploding fireballs helped lead the way. Quintin slowly approached the door, "Harris, should I dare enter this during one of 'your' training sessions?"

"To be fully honest with you, I think that's a horrible idea. If this Harris is anything like the Harris I remember, there's a high chance you'll be vaporised the second you open that door."

"Well ok! Waiting it i-" Quintin was interrupted by a door slamming into his face, and a beaming Harris standing in the doorway.

"My, what a great session that was. Thank goodness this tome will never break."

"...So. You're exactly like I figured you'd be. Mind letting the door close? I think you broke my friend's... front."

"Huh? Oh. So I have. Hmm. Well sorry about that, sometimes I forget my own strength, even for a sage." Harris pulled the door from Quintin's body, allowing him to drop to the floor.

He let a long groan, "Ow my everything. Who needs to open a door that hard? Damn it Harris."

"I do! I must ensure that I never fall weaker, lest someone could best me. I can't be too sure, even now. You never know when a random crit could ruin your day."

"Now Harris, you do know that your enemy will probably never come near you power, right?'

"And that is why I must ensure to keep this power! Thought, I'm certainly not powerful enough. I can't even able to OHKO Walhart with Valflame here. Oooooh maybe if get tomefaire, and combine it wi-"

"Harris please. We don't have the time to listen to you go on about your skill set."

"You are just jealous of my power."

"Gah… Harris, meet Harris. Now talk."

"Hmm? Meet myself? What could yo- IMPOSTER! How dare you try to steal the might of Harris."

"Steal the might of- Dude, I can't steal what is already mine. Besides, we're two sides of the same coin. I art thou, thou art I, all that jazz."

"Impossible! None can even start to match my magnificence."

"None can match your ego either apparently oooooo fuckin' got 'em"

"Well Harris, you did make him. They are generally some reflection of you, what does that say?"

"Alls he got from me is my lust for power, the personality developed on it's own."

The other Harris slammed his fist into the wall, "You sir, you have no respect for the mighty! How about we duel?"

"Sure. NAGA! Set up… _the table_. _Please._"

"_Harris I'm going to come down from here and smack you upside the head. Get your sword while my popcorn is cooking, I want to see this._"

"Why would I need a sword? We're playing Yu-gi-oh!, aren't we?"

Harris 2.0 tapped the original Harris on the shoulder, "What's a Yu-gi-oh!?"

"Well my pop culture insensitive alternate realm counterpart, Yu-Gi-Oh! is a card game based off of ancient Egy- You don't know that civilization, so it'd be pointless to do that backstory. Simply put, it's a game of strategy, both players starting off with a deck of forty cards, of the Monster, Spell, and Trap variety, and four-thousand health, because duelist kingdom is for bit-"

"_Dear me you speak a lot. Fine. You know what? Here, have some damn cards. I'll be sitting here waiting for him to burn you. Call me when that happens._"

A gate opened above Harris, dropping through it two dueling disks, two sealed decks, and a note that read, "Teach him as he goes"

Quintin promptly smacked his own head, "Are you actually solving problems with a children's card game? Why does Naga let stuff like this happen?"

"Because it's fun. Now, my handsome twin, place the disc on your arm, with the bit that looks like the head of a glaive pointing outwards."

Quintin looked to Harris, "Now wait, this is all wrong! You have the card games, now where are the motorcycles?"

"...He's from pseudo-medieval times. I'm pretty sure we couldn't teach him the balance required to ride a duel cycle at the speeds they go in one day."

"But… but… the card games on motorcycles!"

"Pardon the interruption, but I do believe there was a game you were teaching me so that I may crush you."

"Oh yeah, right, that. Well, before we begin, we must perform the time-honoured ritual of rock-paper-scissors to determine who goes first."

"Ah! A true test of mental might! I shall reign supreme!"

Both Harris and Harris assumed the standard position and said in unison, "Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" Our hero Harris had chosen paper, while the newcomer Harris had chosen rock.

"A-ha! I am the vic-." Harris was interrupted as Harris punched Harris square in the jaw.

"Ha! You believed you won! Little did you know that I crush everything!"

"You fiend! That's it, my honour has been sullied for the last time! I demand a gentleman's duel!" The disgraced Harris removed a glove, and slapped Harris in the face.

Quintin gasped heavily, "I sense a challenge! Do you accept Harris?"

"Indeed I do! I will crush this fool once and for all!"

Quintin clapped his hands together and sternly said, "Alright, back into the training room. We have a score to settle between the bloodthirsty Harris, and Harris the mighty. I'll leave those of you at home to decide which is which."

"_Aww yeah, some real action! I'm glad I still have some popcorn._"

"Naga, if you wanted some action, why not just speed things up a few years and just get with Quintin already? I need my money and my godchildren to spoil damnit."

"_Don't you have a curbstomp to worry about right now?_"

"My future godchildren and monetary situation come first."

"Enough of your hijinks! We shall duel now to decide who is the true champion!"

"I'm fairly certain we don't need to duel to determine that, but whatever. En garde!"

Harris charged towards Harris, but merely ran into a large fireball. Harris shot back, singe marks on his hair. The sage Harris let out a hearty laugh, "So we now see who is the more powerful one! I'll always be here if you ever wish to try again."

"What makes you think it's over? I'm just a little singed."

"Very well then!"

Quintin snuck into the corner of the room and whispered, "Psst, hey Naga. We need another name for second Harris. The folks at home are going to get real confused in a Harris vs Harris fight."

"_Why put me on the spot? Just go with Harri, that's close enough._"

"Well, there kinda is a Harri. You know, Harris with a-"

"_But he's not here right now, just go with it._"

"Fine. Harri he shall be."

Harris began moving around Harri, in an attempt to flank him. Seeing his move, Harri conjured a fireball to strike out. Harris stepped back and raised his arm, attempting to take the fireball with a shield. As Harri launched his spell, Harris realized the error of his ways. He was only a mercenary, and had no shield on his arm yet. The fireball made direct contact, producing enough force to knock Harris down.

"Fucking hell that hurt! Why am I not a hero yet?!"

"Did you… did you seriously just stand there and take one of my spells? And you lived? Well done, my adversary. It seems that you hold some power after all."

"Yeah, considering I share your blood I better have some fucking power. Too bad I can't get any fucking training in this world."

"Well, I do believe you have proved yourself as worthy of the Harris name. Besides, Cordelia promised me a special dinner tonight. If there is something you don't want to miss with her, it's mostly everything. She doesn't handle my tardiness well. The remnants of last time I was tardy still stings." Harris turned and exposed his back showing a large red mark.

"Ouch. That looks… hilariously impractical. How'd she even manage to do that?"

"I don't know, I turned for a moment and then everything became painful. When I looked back, she was merely smirking."

"...Cordelia's scary when she's angry."

A voice rang from down the hall, "Oh Harris, where are you? I _thought_ we had something planned tonight?"

Harri sprang up, "OH SHIT I GOTTA GO GUYS BYE!"

"Godspeed my compatriot. We'll clean up the training room."

After a quick sweep of the room, our two heroes began their journey out of the castle, but upon reaching the dining room, Harris stopped.  
"...Hey, Quintin?"

Quintin stopped and looked back to his companion, "Yes Harris?"

"Would you mind if we just… stopped for a bit? I kind of want to see Morgan and Severa. I know they aren't my children, but I spent so much time as Harris that I got real attached to them, and this is my only opportunity to ever see them in person."

"While I might point out that you can _live these very moments in our world_, I guess it couldn't hurt to stick around for a little longer. I'll be at the entrance, just come by when you are ready." Quintin turned back, and walked through the hall.

"Thanks mate."

"_Hehehe, just because you list him that doesn't mean I'm not here._"

"...Naga. Please. This is the only time I'm going to see them. Don't ruin it."

* * *

Harris walked up to Quintin and nodded. Quintin turned and started walking in the direction of the gate before calling back, "I take it your business is done?"

"...Yeah. Let's head out."

"Alrighty Naga, what's next?"

"This time we are mixing it up a little. Just be prepared to get into action as soon as you land."

"Naga, what do you mean by tha-" The gate opened below the two, and they dropped in. after the standard trip, Harris and Quintin were dropped into a battlefield. Taking in the surroundings, Quintin angrily mumbled, "What the hell Naga? Why did you just drop us in the middle of a battle?"

"Oh just you wait, there's great things ahead."

A large chunk of land exploded next to the two, causing Quintin to jump into Harris' arms, "Zoinks! Damn it, that bit has already been used. Oh well, too late." Emerging from the smoke stood four menacing berserkers and a sorcerer, all looking for blood.

"... I recognise those risen. Those are Lunatic risen. Well, it's been fun Quintin. It looks like this is where we die."

"Couldn't even die with a pun, what a terrible way to go."

Just as the two accepted their fate, three mounted warriors magnificently landed in front of them. On the left was a blonde dark knight wielding what seemed to be a powerful wind tome. The right side was guarded by a raven-haired version of the other dark knight, with the exception of his weapon. The raven knight was unsheathing the legendary blade Balmung. In the middle was a bluenette Valkyrie wielding an ancient thunder tome. In a flash, the raven knight struck down, cleaving two of the berserkers in half. The Blonde knight set to work countering all of the sorcerer's spells with his own wind, and the valkyrie eliminated the other two berserkers with a blue bolt. The blonde knight and valkyrie shot spells in unison directly at the sorcerer, overwhelming it entirely. When the smoke had cleared, the three all just smirked at each other.

"Did you see how great I was with my Hurricane?" The blonde knight confidently stuck out his chest.

With a swift jab, the raven knight knocked down the blonde, "Please, I was the one that saved those people there. It was awesome! Right, Tina?"

The valkyrie huffed, "Oh you wish. I have a tome named SparklyBang, and I was still more badass than you. Get good son."

Quintin leaned over to Harris, "Hey, so. I take it you remember these three?"

"Vilkas, Farkas, and Tina. Although, I distinctly remember SparklyBang being my creation. Why does Tina have it?"

"I don't know why Tina is even with these two. She was definately separate from their creation."

At this point the blond knight, Farkas, turned his attention to the duo, "Hey, why exactly are you two in the middle of our Risen farming grounds?"

"Blame Naga."

Tina swiftly nodded her head, "I believe it, she can be a real bitch when she wants to be."

"Amen sister."

Farkas groaned, "We really don't need anyone like Tina right now. If fact, we never need someone like Tina. Please tell me we don't have more Tinas Vilkas."

"Farkas, I've known them no longer than you, how am I supposed to know?"

Tina scoffed, "Are you saying you don't just love having me around? I'm offended. You two should be nicer to the gal that totally saved your asses millions of times."

Quintin meekly called out, "Ummm, excuse me. Could we relocate away from the land that almost killed me and my friend?"

"Oh yeah, you just almost died. I'll go out, you guys wait here." Tina mounted, and rode off over the hills.

Quintin looked out to the hills, "So what is she doing?"

"Oh she's going out to our base in the area. Her rescue ability is amazing, her range is ridiculous." Farkas looked to Vilkas, who nodded in agreement.

"Mm-hmm. Her rescue ability can't be that great, right? I mean I'm sure there are those who are better."

"No way. I would never believe anyone could be nearly as skilled as Tina."

Quintin looked over to a bored Harris, "Should I show them Harris?"

"I'm thinking you should Quintin."

"Now what should I start with? Oh, I know! Harris, do you have something like a training dummy in that bag of yours?"

"Probably. Let me check." Harris rummaged around, grumbling about no organization. After being completely submerged into his own bag, Harris popped out with a training dummy.

"... Harris, where did you get that?"

"That's for me to know and you to probably only find out if you bribe me with tea."

"Tea? Why tea? Anyway, set it in your bag, I feel rescue magic surrounding us."

"You should absolutely reverse the rescue and summon her here."

"I could rescue her here, I can't reverse rescue."

Farkas interjected, "There's no way you could rescue Tina here! Her range is unmatched!"

Quintin took a deep breath and sighed, "Fine, you forced my hand. LET'S DO THIS!" Quintin pulled out a staff from his bag, and focused intently on the orb. A green light shot from the orb, and went in the direction of Tina. Moments later, Tina and her mount appeared on the ground.

Tina grunted, "What the shit was that? Where am- HOW THE SHIT DID I JUST GET HERE?!"

Quintin grinned devilishly, "I just proved your two knights wrong."

"What are you even talking about?" Tina looked over to Farkas and Vilkas, who were both staring at Quintin. "Guys?"

"Dear Naga! He just matched the range of Tina, and he even casted quicker than her. How is this possible?" Farkas turned to Vilkas with a desperate look.

Vilkas was only able to shake his head, "It can't be possible, he must have fooled us."

Farkas quickly shook his head, "Yes! Of course! This Tina probably isn't even real! Just watch this!" Farkas pulled his fist back, and punched Tina square in the face. "See! My punch didn't even phase her, that means this is ju-"

Farkas was interrupted by a staff bashing him on the head. Holding a staff was a livid Tina, "WHY THE HELL DID YOU JUST GO AND PUNCH ME FOR? You do remember that I broke that balmwood staff, right? I can't just heal myself for this now. Freaking idiot."

Harris rolled his eyes at the blonde. "Good job idiot. Everyone knows you just wave your hand through illusions, just in case they, you know, _aren't illusions_."

Quintin pulled his heal staff from his bag, "Hey I'm new to healing magic, but I think even I could take care of that. Want me to take a look?"

"Would you? Thanks. Wait, how are you new to healing but you can rescue someone from _that_ far away?"

"Again, blame Naga."

"Shush now Harris. Oh wait. No, that's exactly it. Naga gave me some stupid link with rescue staves. My bag holds an infinite number of them. See?" Quintin rolled the bag off of his shoulders, and opened the main pouch. "In here, all I have to do is reach in and a staff will just appear in my hand. The staff seems to be new every time, although maybe I just expect them to be more worn than they are."

Tina looked sceptically to Quintin, "So all I have to do is reach my hand in and I'll get a pretty new rescue staff?"

"That's how it's worked for me so far."

"I don't believe you." Tina quickly reached into the bag. Soon after her eyes grew wide, "Naga! Something formed in my hands. Maybe this crazy story of yours has some merit after all."

Tina pulled her hand out of the pocket, and a small note was resting in her palm. She quickly unrolled the note and read 'Not for you -Naga'. She groaned and rolled her eyes, "Naga must really have a thing for you, she is denying me access."

"See Quintin? I'm not the only one who senses it."

"I'd even bet money on it. It's going to happen."

"You want in on the pot I have going right now?"

"How much does it take to get in?"

"Minimum bet is 150 Macca. Translated to Yllisean Standard is 1 gold 50 silver."

"Who the hell bets in silver? Put me down for 1000 gold."

"Alrighty then. Yo, intra-dimensional dwellers. Gimme the book."

A swirling purple vortex appeared above Harris' hand. From the vortex a blue book, with a cover titled, 'Ledger', dropped down. Harris opened the book and rifled through a few pages before setting the book down. He pulled out a quill and began to write.

"Thank you. Now, putting you down as 'Tina', with a bet of 10000 Macca."

Harris firmly slammed the book up and tossed it into the sky. The same vortex swallowed the book and disappeared.

"The gold in question has already been removed from your possession. Have a nice day."

"Boy, working with intra-dimensional gamblers sure makes life easy. Can I assume my winnings will be given to me magically as well?"

"Yup. They'll be placed in your pouch in a smaller pouch with infinite carrying capacity that will automatically be transported back to us should the gold be removed or you try to put anything else in it."

"Great. So is there anyone actually betting against those two getting together?"

"Yep. Just one guy. Put down a hell of a payment though."

"Has he seen the two together? Just look now, you can tell those two are talking. That ginger is extremely flustered."

"I'm… pretty sure he has? I think he's still kind of dead, but kind of not, and… it's confusing. He's still got enough energy to manifest in the intra-dimensional gentlemen's club, so I'm guessing he's on the road to recovery."

Farkas called out to Tina and Harris, motioning to the direction Tina once went. Tina sighed and lazily said, "I guess they finally are getting out of this area huh? When we get to safety, care to tell me why Naga put you guys here?"

"Sure. Let's get a move on, before they leave us here."

* * *

As soon the group reached the camp, Farkas and Vilkas flooded Tina with assistance. As if pleading for attention Vilkas desperately asked, "Can I wash your staff? We can't have it stained now can we?"

Farkas, pushing his brother out of the way, called, "How about I take care of your mighty steed? It wouldn't do to have your horse fall now would it?"

Reaching a point of pure aggravation, Tina cried out, "Alright you two! Calm your tits. I don't need any assistance. Farkas, go get training with that Windmaker sword of yours and Vilkas, go train with the Fireball tome you've been working on."

"Ah yes, Foyabawl! I must continue my work!" Vilkas sprinted away into a tent.

"Windmaker! How could I forget? I must go!" Farkas followed suit and sprinted into the same tent.

Tina sighed deeply, "Damn, they are just a thing to deal with."

"They certainly are… energetic."

"Harris, you have no idea. Sometimes when they get some idea done they'll just run out of the tent and scre-"

"HUG ME BROTHA!" Vilkas and Farkas screamed in unison as the two went into a deep embrace. Each had what looked to be hand-crafted weapons.

"... that. They do that."

"...Quintin, how come we never do that?"

"Because Harris, we weren't created as brothers. They were as soon as we saw that they were the same except for hair color."

"What the hell are you talking about there, dragon lover?"

"Gods damn it Tina not you too!"

"Hehehe. You can't hide the truth Quintin. Naga's going to make you a god so you to can be together literally forever."

"Jesus, that sounds like a huge Tharja move. Spooky."

"Tharja wouldn't be able to pull that off. It takes a whole new brand of crazy, God crazy, to pull a stunt like that."

"... Yep. I'm leaving. Come along Harris, we have people to see."

"Alright, but first: Tina, since you're the only other person with a single ounce of sense I've met in the outrealms we've been to so far, and the only other person to see that Naga and Quintin are getting together, have this key. Put it in any door, turn it twice clockwise, and when you open the door it will lead to the intra-dimensional gentleman's club. You are the only one who can use it, the only one who can travel through the portals it makes, and you can not lose it, as it will return to your possession immediately. I suggest getting it made into a necklace, as it has a tendency to appear in… less than appropriate places should you be naked when you lose it."

"So you want me to show up at a gentleman's club eh? While I'm flattered, I think I don't want to dance for you gents unless the pay is _fantastic_."

"...I see how what I said was misconstrued, but if you took it that way, then the pay can be negotiated. Since, you know, we have people like King Midas there. Who can make anything into gold. But I gave you access so you can go up there and travel to my world, or talk to the other tenants, or just get a drink when the two brothers are being a bit much."

Tina winked towards Harris, "I'll keep the dancer thing in mind, maybe I'll even bring Olivia along with me. We'll see. Bye you two!"

Quintin sighed and shook his head, "Tina, don't bring Olivia into being a slut. She's a nice lady-"

"-with a _smashing_ body."

"... Goodbye Tina. I'm taking Harris and not coming back unless I absolutely have to."

"See you in the club!"

The two walked over the hill and into the sunset. As they reached the top of the hill, the gate opened and they went right in.

**To be continued.**

* * *

**A/N: Q: I didn't want to break this into two parts, but I did promise on the ninth. Life kinda refuses to let me write a chapter with no disruptions. Anyway, **_**get ready for part two of the SUPER AMAZING OUTREALM ADVENTURE! NOW WITH MORE PTSD!**_

**H: In all seriousness, this chapter was going to end up being roughly ten thousand words long, and as-is it's only ⅖ complete. Oh yeah, and as for all the Deities and Demons I've been referencing, I'm specifically referencing Shin Megami Tensei IV, so no offence intended if you're of Shinto faith, or whatever other religions I've referenced thus far.**

**Q: And finally, something I've been wanting to do for a long time: Naga is now a main character with proper interactions! And yes, now Harris can join in on the Naga fun! I think that's all I have for now, Harris?**

**H: That phrasing is **_**so incredibly dirty.**_ **I love it. After the **_**SUPER AMAZING OUTREALM ADVENTURE XTREME!**_ **ends, Expect a chapter within a week from there, as our schooling is officially over for the next three-ish months, so we'll be able to work more consistently on our story.**

**Q: That actually reminds me, I have a period in June (20-27 or 28) where I will not be at my computer at all! (vacations and such) So yeah, either I'm **_**finally**_ **going to get Harris to be the main writer (H: I can't write narration for shit) of the chapter, or I'm just going to have to work with mobile docs. I don't know how well publishing a chapter will go, so maybe I'll just mass upload before my vacation, giving maybe three chapters (NOT PROMISING ANYTHING BECAUSE THE LAST TIME I DID MY SOUL DIED THAT WEEK) But with all of that, see you for the next part!**

**H: Favorite, Follow, and Review please! Ja ne!**


	9. SUPER AMAZING OUTREALM ADVENTURE XTREME2

The gate opened and dropped the two into an open field. Quintin sighed as he picked himself up, "I don't know what I expected from Tina, but it wasn't her _aiding_ your little club there."

Harris shrugged his shoulders. As Quintin was about to rant further, Naga chimed in, "_Ok so I'm not entirely sure where we are. I remember planning out the order, but I've lost track of which one we are at. The best bet is just to go spelunk around the castle until we find the answer. Have fun._"

"For such a divine dragon, she really doesn't know what she's doing half the time. You'd think that she could get her shit together, huh Harris?"

"She's a divinity. They rarely ever know what they're doing. It's better this way, trust me. When a divine has a plan, it rarely ever works out well for the mortals involved."

"Is it working out well for the mortals involved right now?"

"Yeah, it doesn't seem too bad right now, but something will probably go ary later. I'd keep on guard if I were you."

The two walked to the main gate. WIthout any trouble, the guards opened it and allowed the two to enter. Recognizing the standard Ylisse castle layout, the two immediately made their way to the tactician's office. When at the door, Quintin turned to Harris, "Taking bets on which avatar this is going to be."

"Ten gold on Quintina."

"Oh great, I get to meet the actual female Quintin. Just wonderful."

Quintin knocked on the door, and a male voice called out "Come in!'

"Harris, that isn't a woman. Ten gold."

"Aww."

Quintin pushed open the door. Inside was a grey-haired man busily filling out papers. As he heard the door open, he looked up to the two visitors. When him and Quintin made eye contact, he stopped everything he was doing and rose, "WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE?"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh this is not right, I shouldn't be in this right now. Unless I'm behind? Hey Harris, has the assassination happened yet?"

"...What?"

"The attempted assassination. Has that happened yet? I need to know this."

"...Oh. Emm's. No, not yet. Soon though."

The man slumped down into the chair, "... phew. I thought I was _way_ behind. So why exactly are you two here?"

"I have no idea. The great blue dragon in the sky decided that she wanted to do something nice for Quintin's birthday, so she has been throwing us around to various outrealms."

"Freaking Naga. She planned this, she wanted me to have a heart attack. I don't even have the thing picked out yet."

"So Abe, may I ask what exactly this 'thing' is?"

"No Quintin, you can not. Well technically you could, but I wouldn't give a real answer."

"So now what?"

"Well preferably you leave this realm. I have some more stuff to do in preparation for our next meeting. Unless Naga randomly dumps you two on me again. That dragon is gonna be the death of me."

"...I'm so confused. Quintin, let's go before I do something rash."

"Before we do, when and why exactly are we going to meet again?"

"... heh, you'll see. I can't wait to hear Harris' words of wisdom when it happens. Now leave, go, goodbye, au revoir, all that other crap."

"...Right, bye."

The two left Abe's office and returned to the hill. Quintin sat down and called out, "Alright Naga, let's go. Abe wants us out."

"_Oh shit Abe was here? I knew this place felt familiar. I should really pay more attention to you two. He didn't tell you guys anything did he?_"

"He told us everything. We now know of your plan to take over the world with thousands of Robins."

"_You joke about this, but that was an idea that I thought about._"

"Whatever, just get us out of here."

"_Ok folks, hold on tight!_"

* * *

Having done the travel too many times already, both involved didn't bother to look around until feeling their feet touch the ground. Quintin dusted himself off, "I'm getting kinda tired of this gate. Where's an Anna to pay when you need one? Wait, don't we usually start these things outside?"

Before Harris responded, he noticed movement in the corner of the room. Unsheathing his sword, he slowly approached the source. When he reached the corner, his eyes widened, "Quintin, we need to leave this place."

"Hmm? Why's that? Why are you so nervous?"

Harris pointed out the source of his worries, showing a wired, nervous wreck of a man, "Meet Gherman. You know what this means? _Lunatic+. I'm not staying here._"

"Oh shit. NAGA GET US OUT. RIGHT NOW. NO BANTER. JUST LEAVING."

"_Boy you guys aren't fun. All I wanted to do was give you another encounter to be a part of. What's a little combat experience?_"

"NAGA IT'S NOT JUST LUNATIC+, IT'S A LUNATIC + PROFILE _THAT I MADE. _YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY LUCK IS! EVERYTHING WILL HAVE HAWKEYE LUNA+!"

"Don't forget counter!"

"_Sheesh, fine. I'll pull you two out. Just give me a moment._"

The gate opened, and swallowed the two. The once shaking man rose and took a deep breath, "Oh. They were just avatars. I thought for sure that was _the _Harris out for blood. That guy still terrifies me."

* * *

The two stepped out onto the field from the gate. Quintin turned to the swordsman, "Who do you think it is this time?"

"I dunno. I think I'm out of avatars, so it's probably another of yours."

"_Can you two go one place without crappy banter, get in there._"

"Well someone is rather pushy with this Outrealm."

The two made their way into the same castle, walked the same halls, and saw the same rooms. Having found the tactician office, the two opened the door and walked in. The office itself was well kept and had two larger desks on the opposite end of the room. After a glance around the room Quintin turned to Harris, "Doesn't seem like the Avatar is here, where do you think we should check next?"

"Mess hall? Training rooms? I don't know many of your avatar's personalities, so let's just try the most common rooms that people visit."

"Sounds good, let's do mess-"

"Greetings Sirs."

"We have been waiting for your arrival."

Shocked by the sudden voices, both Harris and Quintin jumped back through the doorway. The frame was only wide enough for one however, and they collided into each other. As they picked themselves up, they saw two people who appeared to be twins clad in the tactician robe. Quintin quietly groaned, "Harris, I think we just found Quintin."

"Yep. And I'm assuming that's-"

"Quintina, you are correct Harris." The two bowed in unison. "We have been monitoring the sudden increase in gate activity and we figured the culprits would end up here eventually. So tell us-"

"Who exactly are you, and why do you appear to be me?"

Quintin shook his head, "Great, they are the kind of twins to finish each other's sentences."

"How spoopy."

"You haven't answered our-"

"-questions, Quintin."

"Please. For the love of Naga, please do not keep doing that. Regardless, I'm basically an additional pawn for Naga to play with in one universe of this tale."

"Ah so you two-"

"-are the great disturbances that Naga caused a little while ago. I wondered when-"

"-we would get to see them. How quaint."

Quintin leaned over to Harris, "If I wasn't looking at them, I wouldn't know who's talking. It sounds like their voices have just merged at this point. How is that even possible?"

"It's not. You're just crazy. And coming from me that really means something."

"Can you blame me for for going crazy? I've met myself about three times now. Wouldn't you lose it a little?"

"Don't have much more to lose friend."

"Exactly." Quintin pulled away from the personal meeting and cleared his throat, "So, any more questions you want to ask us?"

Quintina shuffled slightly, before finally blurting out, "Do you have to deal with this twin shit as well?"

"Well… erm… what? No I don't have a twin."

"Oh… lucky you. Now Harris, do-"

"-you have any relation to _the_ Harris. The one with a god-"

"-power complex."

"Yeah. We have the same body, except mine's the one he had at the start of his journey. I also don't have as much of a god complex as he has."

"That's good, it would be terrible to have two-"

"-Dimension-jumping power-houses on the loose. It's hell enough dealing with-"

"-him as it is."

"_Hey you two, I found a better place to go. Leave quickly._"

"You know Naga, the first time we find _normal_, _pleasant_ people you just make us leave. You suck." Quintin folded his arms and huffed childishly. "Well Harris, are we going to listen to her? Harris?"

Quintin looked to his side where Harris once stood, and saw blank space. Confused, he looked around the room before locking eyes on a grand balancing act occurring on the tactician desk. On each of Harris' arms sat one of the twins, on his head his sword was balancing vertically with the twins adding books to the top, and even more books were resting on the twins' heads. Utterly dumbfounded, Quintin could only stare as he watched Harris effortlessly balance everything. "Erm.. Harris. What uh…. what are you doing?"

While still balancing Harris retorted, "I'm balancing the twins and various books on my head and arms, what's it look like?"

"It's too far into our adventure to be handling this sort of thing, how much longer do you plan to stay like that?"

"Until they fall off or we reach the ceiling. Be a dear and give us some more books, hmm?"

The other Quintin readjusted on Harris' arm, "We have reached a small problem, Harris. We-"

"-cannot reach any higher while still keeping our books balanced."

"...I'm about to do something that will probably end in our deaths via avalanche. Brace yourselves as I attempt to raise my arms and bend so you can reach."

The twins nodded and braced. Harris slowly raised his arms towards the tower of tomes. Nothing was truly stable by the time he ended the ascent. Slowly the twins resumed stacking tomes onto his head. The Quintin still on the ground shook his head, "You know eventually you will fail at thi-"

He was interrupted as an incredibly excited shriek came from the doorway, "WOW THAT IS THE BEST GAME OF TOME STACKERS EVER!" Quintin was pushed to the side as an overly excited girl rushed into the door, "That's so intense! I haven't even thought about stacking on _myself_."

A noticeably less excited boy came in to the room after and helped Quintin up, "Sorry about her, who I can only assume is your friend- Why do you look exactly like Quintin?"

"Plot twist:" A cloud of pink smoke enveloped Quintin's head. Moments later a sharp ping and 'POOF!' spelled out in the same smoke emerged. A Darth Vader mask now covered Quintin's head, "I AM your father."

"N-no? I don't think you are."

Quintin huffed and pulled off the helmet, "You know, if I'm going to take the time to make a joke like this, you could at least go with it."

"Well, Quintin is my uncle, and I'm pretty sure those two would never even acknowledge the possibility of, erm, 'being together'."

"Oh shit right, Morgan is his kid. Damn."

"Yeah, she's something alright. Don't know how she could gain just _so much energy_."

"Who exactly is her mother?"

"... who else has light green hair? I figured if you knew us, you'd at least know Nowi."

Quintin's face perked up, "Oh shit, this is _the original Quintin. Oh man._"

Mark face showed nothing but confusion, "The original? H-h-how many are there supposed to be?'

"Counting me, I think we are up to seven."

Mark's eye began to twitch uncontrollably, "Seven Morgans. There are seven of those endless energy cells just living. By Naga, how does this universe still stand?"

"_Speaking of me, WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T YOU TWO LEFT YET?"_

Quintin sighed, "Harris, the dragon is yelling. I think we have to leave." After waiting a considerable amount of time for a response, he turned to see Morgan jumping and placing tomes on Harris' head. The stack was soon to reach the ceiling. "Harris. We have to go."

"_Shut up I haven't had this much fun in months. I'll leave when I want to." _As Morgan jumped to place one of the final tomes to reach the ceiling, a large portal opened beside Harris. A sea-green arm struck out and pushed, sending him, the twins, and the copious amount of tomes atop their heads tumbling to the ground, directly atop an unsuspecting Morgan.

Mark quickly turned and ran out of the doorway, "EVERYONE GET OUT, AVALANCHE!" Quintin and Mark sprinted out of the room, trailed by a never-ending flow of tomes. Soon the flow overtook them, and eventually drove them directly into a wall.

After the excitement died down slightly, Morgan bounced down the halls, "THAT WAS SO FREAKING AWESOME! LET'S DO IT AGAIN!"

Mark pulled himself up to a sitting position, "Oh gods, please no..."

Quintin scrambled up, dragging an unconscious Harris away from the pile of tomes, "Terribly sorry, but we must be on our way. I imagine there's some schedule, and we are incredibly behind. So long now!"

Quintin drug the body through the halls until a green portal open directly in front of him, "Oh sweet Naga, finally." Quintin pulled Harris up onto a wall and punched him in the jaw, startling him awake, "Wake time! It's time for another dimension!"

"...the last thing I remember before the darkness of unconsciousness was a pair of very small pink panites. I really hope they were Quintina's."

"Hehehe. Come on, through the portal we go."

"_Holy me will you two not stop your crappy banter? Go on, go. Now."_ Two arms pushed Quintin and Harris through the portal into a familiar swirl on colors.

* * *

The two plopped onto hardened ground. The area around them seemed to be war-torn, and the sounds around them suggested the war wasn't finished. Quintin stood up and sighed, "Remember the last time this happened? We became swarmed by Risen. Great."

"Yay! Bloodshed! Wheeeeeee!" Harris unsheathed his sword and sprinted in the direction of the sound.

"Naga damn it Harris! I'd rather not just die!" Quintin pulled out a heal staff from his pack and rushed to catch up with Harris.

After considerable time running towards the sound of battle, the pair heard an overpowering voice boom through the air, "HAHAHA! SILLY HEATHENS! YOU CANNOT HOPE TO GAIN AN ADVANTAGE IN COMBAT WITH I, THE GREAT INABA!"

As Quintin heard this decree he instantly stopped and rescued Harris to him, "Harris, you wouldn't happen to remember Inaba would you?"

"-eeeeee-eh? Why am I over here? Oh. Inaba. Yeah, she's the one with the five 'breaker' skills isn't she?"

"Yeah, what I never told you about her character though is that she is _quite_ boastful about how literally nothing hi-"

"ANOTHER MEANINGLESS STRIKE TOWARDS THE GREAT INABA!"

"-ts her. I somewhat regret her existence."

The two continued to watch as Inaba dodged every strike, and eventually whittled down the opponent. After all threat was eliminated, Inaba smiled and swiftly dismounted her horse. Harris and Quintin promptly made their way to talk to the great knight. As they approached, Inaba suddenly jerked her attention in their direction, "AH, NEW CHALLENGERS? DO YOU TRULY BELIEVE YOU CAN HIT THE GREAT INABA?"

"DO YOU TRULY BELIEVE YOU NEED TO SHOUT?! Seriously, it's not needed."

"BUT I MUST TO DISPLAY THE TRUE GLORY OF EVASION!"

"... what have I created?" Quintin mumbled and looked down to the ground, shaking his head.

"Bet a manakete would really fuck you up, since dragonstones aren't affected by the breaker skills, and Great Knights can't dodge for shit."

"NONSENCE! I CAN DODGE ALL THINGS!"

Quintin nooded and bowed his head, "Dear Naga, give us the power to completely wreck her shit up. Please, allow me to fix the _giant mistake of a character_ this lady was."

"_Hey you two, have neither of you seen Harris' ears? Here, dragonstone on me."_

A portal opened above Harris, and a small stone dropped into Harris' hands. The stone was a swirl of red and blue. A column of fire formed around Harris, blasting into the sky, completely swallowing Harris. A mighty cry came from the column, and a magnificent dragon emerged. It's body was white as snow, with blood red wings. The new dragon exhaled, unleashing a brilliant royal blue flame. Inaba barely managed to move before being fully consumed by the flames.

Satisfied with the result, the dragon shone brightly and Harris fell to the ground, slightly dazed.

Quintin ran to the swordsman and held him steady, "Naga, isn't that something you _don't just drop onto someone like that?_"

"Dude fuck that noise, _I'M A GODDAMN MANAKETE! THIS IS __**FUCKIN' GREAT!**_"

"_See? Harris appreciates my gifts. Besides, I figured I had to give him something. It wasn't fair to just give you ungodly power with rescues. He should get something too."_

"Yes that's all well and good, _but letting us figure it out by him transforming into a dragon?"_

"_Not my fault no one commented on his ears."_

Quintin sighed, "Harris I think it's time to end this endeavour. How about we head home?"

"Fuck that, I'm gonna go FLYING!"

"... I would argue, but there is literally nothing I can do to stop you."

"HOP ON FUCKFACE, LET'S GO EXPLORE!"

"...fine. LET'S DO THIS SHIT!"

Harris transformed again, and Quintin jumped onto his back. With a great roar, they flew off into the sunset. However, a giant green portal opened directly in front of them.

* * *

It was a normal, peaceful day in Ylisse. The Shepherds decided to have a day off, while Quintin and Harris had their little Outrealm adventure. Presently, Chrom was strolling through the front gardens. Quintin and Harris had only recently left to go on their journey, and he was expecting them not to return until late afternoon. He decided to sit on a nearby bench, and was enjoying the slight breeze. Slowly, he started to fall into a light nap.

At that point, a large energy pulse erupted near Chrom, jolting him awake. A massive, gaping Outrealm portal was opened in front of him, doing nothing in particular. Chrom approached to investigate, until a large white dragon erupted out of it and crashed into a wall. Stumbling out of the rubble was Quintin and Harris.

* * *

**A/N: Q: Heeyo. Lovely weather isn't it? What's that? It's been a month? Pfft, nah. Couldn't be. Really though, I've learned how to adjust to Harris suddenly becoming fully nocturnal so I should be able to write with him again.**

**H: Summer time means shenanigan times, and all the best happenings are when the 'responsible' adults are asleep.**

**Q: Wise words from Harris. No real updates/information to share with you guys, and it's best to have us talking to a minimal, otherwise the banter would never stop.**

**H: I found a game that has us both addicted, shouldn't we share that?**

**Q: My DS is sitting right here, I don't need to be tempted to pick it up.**

**H: **_**But it needs a bigger international following**_

**Q: yes and sharing with our 7/8 followers is really getting the word out there**

**H: **_**enough drops will eventually fill an ocean**_

**Q: **_**don't get all 'philosophy' on me, **_**oh hey we should probably address that you are suddenly a dragon, huh?**

**H: I wanted a special power like Quintin's Infinite staves, and I couldn't think of anything that wasn't broken as hell, but then Inaba happened and it just happened.**

**Q: Really though, can anyone expect very well thought out scenes in this thing?**

**H: if only they knew the creative process behind this story.  
**"Hey, what should I write here? I'm thinking completely rational plot advancement"  
"Nah fuck that, how about off the wall bullshit that popped into my head"  
"Fuck it, why not."

**Q: that last line is a direct quote from me, not going to lie. We should probably end this now, so see ya everybody!**

**H: The game I brought up is called 'Unchained Blades'. Go buy it. And then you should review it. And after that, since you're in a reviewing mood, maybe you could even review **_**this**_…**.(Q: smooth) See you all next time!**


	10. That's So Dragon

Quintin and Harris stumbled from the debris of what was once a wall. Barely able to stand, Quintin called out, "Sorry if we're late Chrom, Harris wanted to go flying and I couldn't stop him." He fell to the ground, completely dazed.

"BITCH I'M A DRAGON NOW! WO-HOO!" Harris then collapses to the ground, with his hands held high and a face-splitting grin on his face.

Chrom stared at the two lying on the ground, "... How do I deal with this? Maybe I can just get Frederick to clean this mess." Chrom turned around and called out, "Oh Frederick! Where are you? I need royal assistance!"

A small cloud of smoke brushed past Chrom, and behind him now stood Frederick, "Sorry for the delay, Milord, there were some pebbles I had to remove."

"FUCK YOUR PEBBLES, I'M A GODDAMN DRAGON!" Harris belligerently yelled, still facedown in the dirt

"Frederick, take those two to the medical wing. I fear the Outrealms may have broken them more than they already were."

"Yessir!" With a single heave, Frederick piled the two onto one arm. He sprinted off into the castle, picking any pebble that may block the path.

Chrom sighed, "I can only imagine what our enemies think when they see him. I can't even take us seriously sometimes."

* * *

The medical wing was entirely empty as Frederick slumped Quintin and Harris on separate beds. Quintin groaned, "Must you plop? Is there no gentle put down? I just got crushed by rubble here."

Frederick turned to the pained monk, "Ha! That pain will go away with an hour's rest. However, the pain of rebuilding the wall you two broke will stay with you for much, much longer. I shall return when you are rested." The knight bowed and left the two.

"Hey Harris."

"Hey-o."

"Tell me, do I still have a right arm?"

"As far as I can see, yes."

"Good, I didn't want to look down. I felt something rip and I wasn't sure if that was being lifted by Frederick or my arm being removed. Had to make sure."

The two heard humming nearby, and soon Lissa entered. She glanced at the two beds before calling out, "Were the two of you the ones that broke the wall?"

"No, that was mostly me. You know, THE GODDAMN DRAGON!"

"You're a manakete? Woah, that's so cool! Why haven't you transformed in combat yet?"

"2 reasons: One, no one bothered to look at my ears and actually _tell_ me that i'm a Manakete, and Two, I need a Dragonstone to transform, and I only recently got one when Naga felt like informing me of my race."

"Woah. But wait, your ears were normal when I last saw them, what are yo- OH MY GOODNESS THEY'RE POINTED NOW!"

"Lissa, it's ok if you didn't notice. I didn't even see and I have been adventuring with this fool for much longer."

"No, I'm not kidding, they weren't pointed before, and now they are! What happened in the Outrealms?"

"A terrible creation was released into the world, and I prayed to Naga to stop the monstrosity-"

"-so she threw a stone at me and then BAM! _DRAGON."_

"Couldn't have said it better myself."

Lissa shook her head in confusion, "So you are telling me, that Naga magically just turned you into a manakete?"

"Most likely. Or I'd always been one, and no one bothered to look at my ears."

"Knowing how much you Shepherds pay attention, it's probably the latter. I mean, you didn't even say hi to Kellam when you walked in."

"I-i-it's ok, I don't mind. I get it all the time." The new voice caused Lissa to shriek and jump onto Harris' bed. Quintin quietly cackled as he watched the cleric recover from the start.

"Well done Kellam, thank you."

"No problem I guess, tell me if you need anything else."

"Hey Harris, how you enjoying that new mass digging right into your chest?"

"10/10. Also smells pretty nice. Like apples. And vanilla."

"You gonna calm her down, or are we just gonna let that happen?"

"I dunno, if it makes her stay in my lap, I'm perfectly okay with her staying panicky."

"Sacrificing her poor feelings just so she'll stay on your lap? That's mean. I'd actually scold you, but I did just use her as scare bait."

"Ah, how cruel of you. Here, allow me to utterly abuse my newfound powers and transform into a suitably massive dragon to shield her from your cruelty."

Harris' stone shone brightly as a shell formed around him. The shell cracked, until it burst, revealing Harris' dragon form, curled protectively around Lissa.

Quintin rolled his eyes, "Getting a little stereotypical, aren't we?"

"I shall call her Imouto, and she shall be mine, and she shall be my Imouto. Get in line Chrom."

"I don't think you can just do that. And before you go on about how 'you're a dragon you do what you want' remember that Falchion destroys things like you for a warm up."

"This may be, but while _Falchion _destroys things like me, _Chrom_ doesn't. Not yet at least. And until then, I can steal his little sister as much as I want! Ahahahaha!" Harris flew out of the medical wing, breaking the wall, with Lissa in tow.

Quintin watched the two fly away to wherever they may go. Chrom walked in to see a large hole in the wall and Quintin staring. He groaned and called out, "Quintin, where did Harris go? And why is there a giant hole in the wall?"

Harris zoomed passed the hole screaming, "AHAHAHAHA! FUCK YOU WALL! NONE CAN STAND UP TO MY SHEER _DRAGON-NESS!_"

Quintin turned to the baffled lord, "We found out something about Harris during our adventure, and he's on a bit of a power high."

"And that something would be that… he's a manakete."

"Got it in one. Man, we should make you the head detective of the Ylissean Police Force."

A guard burst through the door, "Milord! Dire news!"

Chrom sighed and turned to the guard, "What is it now?"

"The Duke of Themis, his daughter has been kidnapped!"

"Damn. Quintin, let's go rally the Shepherds."

"Shouldn't we tell Harris what's going on?"

"He's a big dragon, he can figure it out when he sees the rest of the Shepherds marching off. Now come on, most people are probably at the dining halls."

Chrom pulled Quintin out of the medical room and went off to the hall. Jogging to catch up, Quintin called out, "What about your sister, she's still in the clutches of Harris."

"It's probably best if she doesn't exactly know what this mission entails. I can't imagine what she would be like if she knew."

"She gains enough strength to magically become a war cleric without a seal."

"You don't know how seals work, do you?"

"Sure I do, you just have to be level ten or above and _bam_, you can use a seal."

"W-wha?"

"Hey look! The dining hall! isn't that where we needed to be?"

Chrom took a deep breath, "I hate this part, having to make some crappy speech." He forced the doors open with little regard to ceremony. The doors swung open and collided with the walls creating a loud bang, grabbing hold of everyone's attention. The lord inhaled again, "Shepherds, we have work to d- screw the speech. Maribelle has been kidnapped. We are saving her."

The Shepherds answered with a mighty cheer and began preparations immediately. While loading the caravan, Frederick skeptically watched Quintin. After some time, Frederick finally called out, "You made miraculous recovery for how little time you were in there. We didn't even send a staff in to help you two."

Quintin placed the box he was carrying and shrugged, "Plot convenience. What am I to do about it?"

Frederick scowled even harder, "I don't quite understand what you are talking about. I feel that's the best answer I'm going to get from you though. Carry on."

"Fantastic pun, Fred. A+."

The caravan was soon loaded, and the march began. Harris had yet to land though, drawing many complaints from Chrom. "Why is he up there with my sister for so long? What could he even be doing? I thought manaketes could only stay in that form for so long. When is he goi-"

"Sweet Naga Chrom, shut up!" Rebecca finally interrupted Chrom's utter nonsense, causing him to slump slightly. "Thank you. Here's the simple solution. Virion, give me your bow."

"Anything for a sweet lass such as yourself, but might I inquire why?"

"I'm going to deliver a _clear_ message to Harris to get down here, now." Rebecca pulled a small piece of fabric out of her pouch and tied it on the arrow's tip. "Miriel, be a dear and light this, would you?"

"Fascinating, drawing the attention of a dragon by using their native breath. I must record this fo-"

"Miriel. Fire. Please."

The mage nodded quickly and summoned a light flame onto the fabric. Once the arrow fully caught, Rebecca aimed directly into the air and launched it. The flame flew upwards, before being plowed over by a brilliant blue fire ball. The familiar form of Harris flew to the ground and landed in front of the march. The column of flame erupted, and there stood Harris cradling Lissa in his arms. Rebecca tossed the bow back to Virion, "Glad you could make it, lizard."

"Glad you're still a shit shot Ginger. Who knows what might have happened had you actually managed to _hit_ the dragon currently carrying one of the three living members of the Exalted line."

"Shit shot? I was just getting your attention. I'm not going to be the one to fight a dragon with dinky arrows."

"You keep telling yourself that. Now, let's get to it shall we?"

Chrom drew the attention of Harris, "Could you put my sister down now?"

"You'll have to pry her from my cold, dead talons Chrom."

"I have a sword that can do _just that_."

"Yes, but it is a _sword_. And I can _fly_."

"I can get a wyvern."

"I can _melt_ the wyvern."

"Well I can ge-"

Rebecca slapped the two men simultaneously, "Alright you two. We get it, you are both hung like a horse. It's ok to back down sometimes."

"No Rebecca, I'm hung like a _dragon_."

"_Far_ more information that I truly needed, thank you Harris. Now that I have Lissa in my hands though, I guess it really doesn't matter." Rebecca gently placed the cleric back onto her legs.

"Wha- when did you manage that?"

"You were making some crummy dragon dick joke, and I saw my opportunity. You were wide open for the steal man."

"...you've won this round Rebecca, _but I will have my REVENGE!_"

"I'll quake in my boots until then, shall we be off?"

Chrom nodded, "Yes, please. Maybe the march will bring some normality back to me. Or at least as much as the rest of the Shepherds will allow."

* * *

The Shepherds moved at an incredible pace, making their destination by nightfall. Robin called to make camp until morning, should anything turn sour.

Everyone was gathered at a central fire, relaxing and telling various tales to pass the time away. Currently, Virion was babbling away about one of his heroic adventures. While everyone was enthralled by Virion's grand tale, Quintin snuck off and pulled Harris along with him. Once out of earshot from the rest of the crowd, Quintin stopped and turned to the mercenary, "So, we really need to discuss something rather important."

"Uh, um, uh, sure, I guess."

"I know for sure I'm doing everything in my power to, 'influence' the love life of certain people. I figure if I do it, you should have some shot at it too. So, who's it gonna be?"

"O-oh. Um, well, I-i don't know. You can't just ask someone that out of the blue. We've only been here for a few weeks. That's hardly enough time to get to know someone well enough for… _that_."

"Harris what are you… oh. OH. No, I'm not talking about us getting our dues. I'm talking about setting _other_ people up."

"Oh thank the gods. I really didn't want to have that conversation with you right now. Uh, I don't really know. I like a lot of the pairings, so you'll have to tell me what you have planned so I can give some input."

"You really have to ask what I'm doing? Really? The very first pairing I ever did, Robin and Tharja."

"Pfft, no you fool, I figured that much. I'm asking about the _other_ pairings you have planned. And don't tell me there isn't any, I know you've at least planned something out."

"I mean, I haven't really thought about anyone else. I think Naga mentioned she had them planned or something."

"Well? Is he full of shit, or not?"

"_I might've._"

"...gee, thanks for that oh-so-vague answer. I dunno who I want to get together."

"You could help Gregor out, mercenaries need to stick together or something, right?"

"I mean, he's _Gregor._ He doesn't really need much help. He slays enough puss just by standing there. If anything I should probably help Inigo, gods knows he needs it."

"I… can't really argue with that. Wouldn't that really be more fatherly duty though? I mean, you could _be_ his father. That's not the point though. Who would you pair him with?"

"Well, he _is_ the only good pairing for Morgan, so probably her."

"Shouldn't we clear that up with Robin first? I'm sure it'll be just fine to explain that he'll have a kid from the future just show up out of nowhere, he'd be perfectly fine after that."

"...or, now, listen, this is kind of a stretch, but, just maybe, we could _not_ do that, and have him find out for himself. And it's not really up to Robin, it's up to Inigo and Morgan. And me. Because all the other pairings are shitty."

"Well, can't argue that logic. So yeah, if Naga tries to keep her pairings as they are, we might run into trouble. I don't know, but we could be facing a shipping war with a divine."

"Well, if worst comes to worst, we could just pull a "_Lucina Reacts"_ and flood their rooms with aphrodisiacs and hallucinogens."

"... I want to comment on that, but that's spoilers for _not even our own work._ Eh screw it, that didn't work for them, what makes you think it will work for us?"

"Because Inigo and Morgan aren't as horribly awkward as Lucina and Robin are, and they're _teenagers_."

"... you do realize you are trying to get exactly what Inigo wants, instead of setting him up for any sort of _actual_ relationship?"

"Psh, you really think I'm going to let him bang Morgan like that? You know, the girl who I still haven't convinced myself that she isn't my daughter. I'm going to set the fool up, the aphrodisiacs and whatever are for people I care less about/a last resort."

"You are going to have a real complex about that when she comes, won't you?"

"You're damn right I will."

"What happens if you get your own daughter before her though? I got it, you name _her_ Morgan too. Calling it right now."

"Pfft. Naw...Probably not at least. I'll spoil them both equally. I shall be Cool Uncle Harris, and I shall give dragon rides to all."

"'Cool Uncle Harris' sweet Naga could you get anymore soccer dad?"

"...I mean, I could wear a soccer jersey and make the Ylissean cup a thing."

"Oh my could you imagine Chrom playing soccer?"

"What are you two talking about?" A new voice rang through the air, causing both to spring into the air. Slumped on a tree was an unarmored Kellam. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

Quintin quickly recomposed himself, "So how long were you there exactly?"

"Oh not long, Frederick was all worried that you two disappeared, and he sent me to find you. I was glad to get away from Virion's ever-great tale of wonder."

"Is that really still going on? We've been out here for a while, and this isn't right next to camp."

"Oh yes, when I left he was 'just getting to the most gallant part.' I almost keeled over laughing at that."

"Right. Back to camp?"

Kellam removed his weight from the tree and headed towards camp, "If we walk slow enough, we might just get there in time for the final entry in the saga."

* * *

**A/N: Q: I thought to myself, "Maybe we can get through an action scene in this chapter." Then I started writing, and banter happened, and I just can't bring myself to be serious right now. Figure hold that off to put in a scene I wanted to happen, and not write some crappy fighting. **

**H: I'm slightly happy Q decided to end it here, as i'm slowly losing my ability to type/think.**

**Q: Assuming he ever had it to begin with.**

**H: diiiiiiiiiiiiiick**

**Q: 3**

**H: the sleeps are 2stronk for banter, finish the AN**

**Q: you know that first week in August? Yeah, I'm not doing anything involving things at my house at all. Really great that I can always guarantee not writing, but can't keep a consistent posting schedule to save my life. **

**H: fuckin' busybody**

**Q: I think that's all I have for now. As always, get ready for me taking far too long to post some not worth it chapter. See ya!**

**H: Bye readers! Please, if you enjoyed this chapter/chapters/story, please leave a review telling us how you felt about it.**


	11. Announcement, Harris-style

**Hello all, this is Harris bringing you some news. As of writing this, it has been one month and 8 days since the last update, and some things have happened in our lives that have prevented us from writing. Quintin has had many, many things he was obligated to do, and all that coupled with some emotional upheavals, stress, and unpleasant realizations has caused him to be utterly unable to write in a satisfactory way. If you don't already know, he is the one who writes most of the narration and characters, with me essentially being the Beta reader **  
**and writing Harris' dialogue and helping with story boarding. But, while I do indeed ****_help_**** with story boarding, I don't know all the details on where he wants to take this story, which has prevented me from taking over in any major way until he's better. There's also the problem that my writing style is considerably different than Quint's. He expressly stated while throwing the idea of the story out to me that he wanted this story to be a fun time, and all humorous. Thing is, I'm actually not all that good at writing comedy, thanks to my rather... ****_unique_**** sense of humor. I'm much more inclined to drama and tragedy than this. My main fear is that I'll start writing and throw out a chapter that's expressly not what Quintin wants, and I don't want to take the reigns, as after it's all said and done it's his story. **

**Don't be too worried though, He is getting better, and we should be back to writing sooner than later. The next chapter is 440 words so far, and if all goes well should be done by September Tenth-ish. Don't hold me to that, as I don't know when Quintin will be fully back on his feet and able to write. There isn't even the faintest chance that we'll abandon this story, so don't worry those of you who actually like this drivel. We'll be back in full swing soon enough.**

**Harris out.**


End file.
